The Innocent Picture
by Fudge 1
Summary: Holly Short has enough to worry about, what with work, Internal Affairs, and a second Koboi attack on Haven. A little sister just complicates things further...
1. Prologue

A lot of these character's belong to Colfer; their names appear in the books if you look hard enough. Garnet Hart was invented by my dear friend JenSpell, whose comments she so often gives. I'm sorry if you don't think the characters have been faithfully represented but I tried my best.

The Innocent Picture

Prologue

Only those with Level 2 clearance may access the files known as the 'Topaz Episode'. These events took place after the Goblin Rebellion but before Artemis' mind-wipe.

Police Plaza, Haven City

Artemis Fowl met Berry Short when he was brought in for questioning regarding goblins and batteries.

The teenager stood up in the LEP interrogation room. 'Is everything settled, then?' He looked from Commander Root to Foaly.

Commander Root waved a hand. 'Captain Short will take you to the shuttle.'

Artemis nodded. 'Thank you.'

Holly stepped out of the room, pausing to glare at the human as she passed. Artemis followed her out of the interrogation room. 'No getting "lost", Mud Boy,' she said sternly. 'I know you're dying to get your hands on fairy technology.'

'Captain Short,' Artemis said, feigning upset concern, 'we're on the same side now. Are such hostilities really necessary?' He didn't mention that he had enough fairy technology to last him a lifetime, what with the stolen Retrieval helmets he had acquired during the Fowl Manor siege.

The unlikely (and unwilling) allies turned a corner and walked right into another fairy coming the other way.

'Berry!' Holly said sternly as the other fairy fell, spilling the coffee and dropping her report.

The other fairy held up a hand. 'Chill,' she said, dabbing at the coffee stain on her shirt. 'It's only coffee. It comes out.'

Artemis watched the two fairies as an argument started in Gnomish. He took the opportunity to study the newcomer. She was younger than Holly with the pointy ears and stature that signalled her out as an elf. Her hair was long and kept out of the way by means of a plait that reached her waist. She seemed a lot more at ease than Captain Short.

The elf felt his eyes on her and smiled, rolling her eyes as Holly carried on speaking. 'Chill,' the newcomer repeated.

She held out a hand towards Artemis. 'My name's Berry Short. Corporal, Traffic Duty, and enjoying it, which is unusual in this job. I'm the little sister of this heroine.'

Artemis shook her hand. 'Fowl. Artemis Fowl. Need I say anything else?'

Berry's smile widened. '_Very _movie star-like. What brings you to this dump?'

'Berry!' Holly said again.

'I'm hardly going to release fairy secrets, Holls. Anyway, judging from your report of the Fowl Affair, Art knows most of our secrets.'

Holly took her sister's wrist. 'Corporal Berry Short,' she said in the manner of a commanding officer, 'if you know what's good for you you'll get back to your job.'

Berry sighed. 'Alright, Holly, I'm getting to it. Sheesh.'

She picked up her report, waved to her sister, and smiled sweetly at Artemis. 'See you around, Art.'

Then she left, humming slightly and not looking where she was going, which resulted in a collision with another fairy.

'Siblings,' muttered Holly.


	2. Family Values

Chapter 1: Family Values

Police Plaza, Haven

Generally when the words 'Short' and 'LEP' are included in the same sentence, the mind immediately jumps to Captain Holly Short, Recon's first female officer. Captain Short has been involved in many police cases, news of which has spread around Haven and even to Atlantis. The most famous of these are probably the Artemis Fowl Affair and Holly's role in stopping the Goblin Rebellion, although there are others.

Although Captain Short does feature in this particular case she is not the focus of attention. It is her sister, the little known Corporal Berry Short that concerns us.

In many respect, Berry resembled her sister. Both siblings had the same shaped faces and willowy figures, although Holly spent more time in the gym than Berry. Both had coffee-coloured skin and auburn hair. That is pretty much where the similarities end, however. Whereas Holly's eyes burnt with determination and the will to succeed Berry's were gentle and laid back, the sort of eyes you turned to when you had a problem. This would probably explain why Holly had climbed almost the entirety of the LEP career ladder while Berry had only recently been promoted to Patrol.

Holly exuded an air of command while Berry was more like a lazy contented cat.

When our story begins, Berry was at the front doors to Police Plaza, sipping a strawberry smoothie and trying to find her access card. An elf snuck up behind her.

'Hey Bez,' he said.

Berry turned and smiled. 'Monty! You're back, then.'

'No, Berry, I'm still visiting my grandmother.'

'Oh. Say hello to her from me, then.'

Corporal Monty Newt shook his head. Even though he had known Berry since kindergarten, he never quite understood her way of thinking.

'I was joking.'

'Oh.'

Berry continued the search for her access card until Newt, rolling his eyes, used his own to open the door.

Berry smiled again. 'Thanks,' she said.

The two elves made their way to the briefing room. 'I wonder if we'll be in the area car again,' Berry mused.

Newt snorted. 'Doubt it, considering your driving last time.'

Berry bristled. She hated having her driving insulted. 'What was wrong with it? At least I don't get overtaken by stink worms.'

'No, you run over them instead.'

There was no venom in the argument and they both knew it. Sometimes friendships are too strong to be broken by insults. It probably would have continued anyway, just for a bit of variety in what appeared to be a mundane day, if Commander Mercury had not spotted two of his officers.

'Short! Newt!' he barked.

Berry often wondered how Holly put up with the bad-tempered Commander Root. Berry, who strongly disapproved of smoking, found that even a few seconds in Root's company was nearly enough to drive her mad. One of the reasons that Berry did not want to get promoted to Recon was the fact that she'd have to stop working under Mercury, who was quite nice as commanding officers go. He was a rather plump gnome with good-natured features and generally eating something, usually a carrot.

'I was looking for you two!' That was another thing about Mercury. He was a gnome of little words, and when he did speak it was not in a long speech. His sentences generally came out in small, sharp bursts.

Berry smiled and saluted. 'Don't worry, sir,' she said. 'We weren't doing anything particularly illegal.'

'Good to hear it!'

Berry winked at Newt. 'Of course,' she continued, 'that all depends on your definition of _illegal_…'

'I've got some new recruits for the two of you to break in!'

Berry's smile shrank slightly.

'New recruits,' Newt said flatly.

'That's right!'

'Sir, you know that Newt and I work best together,' Berry said, trying to find a way to get out of puppy-walking.

'Exactly! You two are my best officers! You can set a good example! Besides,' Mercury continued in a low whisper, 'you know what Internal Affairs are like.'

Berry and Newt nodded. They _did _know what Internal Affairs were like. Anything they found 'suspicious' – which could be from going to your grandmother's funeral or eating the same thing for lunch everyday – prompted an investigation. Sool and his cronies would have a field day if they found out that Berry and Newt had worked together for the past few months.

'All right,' Newt said, 'where are the newbies?'

Mercury beamed and led the way to the briefing room. There Berry and Newt met their new patrol partners.

One of them was a sprite, green-skinned as usual, and checking Berry out, as sprites tended to. From the way he stood, Berry guessed that the sprite in front of her was Chix Verbil II.

The second occupant of the room was more unusual. Law enforcement was not a common choice of profession among pixies, but then again, the pixie didn't seem to be the common sort of pixie. Dark brown hair was tied in a bun at the back of her head and her eyes shone with a determination that Berry was more accustomed to seeing in her sister's eyes.

Berry leant over to whisper to Newt. 'What's the betting I get the sprite and you get the hot-headed pixie?'

Newt was about to reply when Mercury introduced the two new officers.

'This,' Mercury indicated the sprite, 'is Private Joey Frind.'

'How ya doin'?' Joey said, holding out his hand.

Berry tried very hard to keep her face under control.

'And this,' Mercury continued, 'is Private Garnet Hart.'

The pixie stared defiantly up at Berry and Newt.

_Hostile_, the Short sister noted. _Not a good sign_.

Mercury beamed as he introduced Berry and Newt. 'These,' he said grandly, 'are two of the finest officers you could ever wish to meet. Corporal Monty Newt – surely you've heard about the Dawnfire jewellery heist? Well, he was the arresting officer – and Corporal Berry Short.'

That was another thing Berry liked about Mercury. Most people, when introducing Berry, felt inclined to add, 'Holly's sister' or something along those lines. Mercury's opinion was that Berry needed no other introduction.

Mercury clapped Berry on the shoulder. 'Five years these two have been in the force and never have I had a single complaint.'

_No_, thought Berry, _that's because you let Marilyn deal with all the complaints._

'If they're so amazing,' Garnet said, 'then why are they still pacing the streets of Haven and aren't in Recon?'

That was not a wise move. There were two things in the world that Mercury hated: an empty fridge and people who insulted his officers.

'Because,' he said, looking at Garnet with unveiled dislike, 'they do the job.'

Berry wasn't really listening. She was staring intently at the pixie. _You're angry, angrier than a pixie generally is_, she thought at Garnet, _and by the end of this shift I intend to find out why_.

'Frind, you're with Newt in the area car,' Mercury continued, 'and Hart, you're with Short on the Frond Street beat. That's in Downtown Haven.'

Berry smiled warmly at Garnet but inside the cogs were turning. _Perfect_.

The Frond Street beat was one of Berry's favourites. She'd spent most of her childhood in Downtown Haven and it was always nice to see her old haunts.

Today, however, her mind was not on sightseeing.

'So, Garnet,' she began.

'Don't call me Garnet,' the pixie replied. 'The only person who calls me Garnet is my mother.'

'Oh. What do I call you then? Gary?'

The pixie gave her a 'gods, you must be stupid' look. 'My friends call me Nettie.'

Believe it or not, that look had pleased Berry. She rather liked coming across as stupid, because it meant that you were underestimated. Being underestimated was an important advantage.

There was silence between the two officers of the law for a few more steps. Then Nettie said, 'You're Captain Holly Short's sister, aren't you?'

Berry nodded. 'That's right.'

'Was it some sort of joke, calling her Holly and you Berry?'

Berry shrugged. 'I was rather unexpected. Our parents had decided on only having one child. Of course, they were pleased when I was born,' she added, seeing Nettie's expression, 'but they weren't very original when it came to names. Do you have any siblings?' Berry asked, diverting the attention away from herself.

Nettie shook her head. 'No. I was never alone, though, if that's what you're asking about. I had my cousins.'

Berry noted the tone Nettie used. _Ah, so that's why you're so angry, pixie girl_, Berry thought. _Family trouble._

'What are their names? I might know them.'

Most of Haven knew Berry. She was sort of the general Agony Aunt. Nearly everyone had had a problem at some point and had asked for help from the younger Short sister.

Nettie avoided Berry's gaze, staring intently at a poster advertising bubblegum. 'Opal and Topaz,' she said quietly. 'Koboi.'

'Koboi!' That came out louder than Berry had intended. 'You're related to _Opal Koboi_!'

'I'm not proud of what she did!' Nettie retorted. 'She was quite nice when she was younger! Anyway, I was never _that_ close to Opal. Opal was always messing with phone lines so I spent most of the time with Topaz.'

Berry tried to relax. 'Sorry,' she smiled at the pixie. 'It's just my sister's told me a lot about Opal and not much of it was good.'

'She always did get a tad obsessive,' Nettie admitted.

_A tad!_

'Topaz Koboi,' Berry tried the name out, it sounded familiar. 'I've heard that name before. Give me a moment and I'll remember.'

Nettie waited patiently until Berry clicked her fingers. 'Got it!' the elf said triumphantly. 'Topaz Koboi, owner of a fern shop on the corner of Acorn Avenue.'

Corporal Hart nodded but did not say anything.

'Business is booming, and the last time I saw her Topaz looked fine. So why are you worried?'

Nettie's head snapped up. 'Whoever said I was worried about her?'

Berry held up a hand. 'Relax,' she said, 'I can't read minds. It's just that you're very tense and when you talk about Topaz you frown.'

The pixie looked startled. 'I do?'

'Trust me.'

Nettie stared glumly at the pavement. 'I _am_ worried. Topaz just hasn't been the same lately. She's been acting strangely, spending a lot of her money on computer parts.'

'Computer parts?'

'That's what I said.'

Berry looked up and saw a scuffle up ahead. 'I'm afraid unravelling your cousin's personality is going to have to wait,' the elf said. 'There's police work to be done.'

No sooner had she said that, she shouted, 'Oy!' and started to run.

Holly Short was heading to her cubicle to do some long-neglected paperwork when Root's door opened and he shouted, 'Short! Get in here!'

Holly had long since stopped trying to persuade her boss not to shout in her ear. 'Here, sir,' she said, stepping in front of the door.

'Good,' Root said. 'Foaly has some urgent news.'

Holly didn't exactly rush. Foaly's idea of urgent news was not often considered important by the rest of the members of the LEP: he had been known to sound the alarm bells if someone forgot his birthday.

'What is it?' she asked when she was inside the office.

Foaly was standing in front of a plasma screen and, judging from his stance, had found one of his favourite 'Mud Men are going to take over the world' pieces of information.

'Holly,' the centaur nodded at her. 'I think you should sit down for this.'

Frowning slightly, Holly did so.

Foaly sighed theatrically and launched into his speech. 'Every year,' he said, 'we get thousands of phone calls, e-mails and text messages laced with keywords.'

Holly nodded. She knew all this already; it was typical of Foaly to drag things out.

'Also, there are some Mud People who's messages we follow more highly than others.'

Holly sighed. 'Get to the point, Foaly.'

Foaly drew a deep breath and turned to Holly. 'Artemis Fowl is back.'

Holly raised an eyebrow. Foaly's words had not had the desired dramatic effect. 'I don't see how Artemis's return from New Zealand is a red flag emergency,' Captain Short said.

'We're not talking about New Zealand,' Root said. 'Artemis has attempted to contact the Fairy People, apparently with a second kidnapping in mind.'

Holly's blood ran cold. She remembered when Artemis had kidnapped her – how could she forget? The experience had burned itself into her mind and simply refused to go away. She would not want another fairy to have to go through the same thing.

'Evidence?' she managed.

Root shrugged, before Foaly had a chance to drag out his reply. 'E-mails. Text messages. Online orders. Artemis has been making quite a few preparations for this.'

Holly shot a glance at Foaly. 'I thought you'd said you'd stopped monitoring his communications?'

'I lied,' the centaur replied. 'In truth I was just monitoring human communications in general. It was the contents of Artemis's e-mails that directed my attention towards him.'

'So what do these e-mails say, exactly?'

Foaly brought up a window on the touch screen.

Butler, the e-mail read,

I trust the preparations for our fey friends are complete. Soon the school term will be over and I will be able to continue with my plans to kidnap another of the People.

Artemis Fowl II

There was something wrong with it. Holly couldn't quite place it, but there was something wrong with the e-mail.

'Would Artemis be so stupid?' she said. 'He may not know that we monitor all communications in general, but he would have some sort of suspicion, wouldn't he?'

Foaly shrugged. 'He's a teenager, and adolescents by nature tend to be cocky. He also believes that we've stopped monitoring him, so maybe he feels safer to execute his schemes.'

Holly remained silent. Foaly's reasons made sense.

'I want you, Holly,' Root said, 'to watch Fowl just in case. It could be nothing, or it could be everything.'

Holly nodded. Better safe than sorry.

'I also think you should take a partner on this one.'

'I think I can handle Artemis Fowl,' Captain Short protested.

'I have no doubt that you can, Captain,' Root replied, 'but there is always the chance that he'd thought of something we haven't. I don't want to run the risk of you being kidnapped again.'

'If you do get kidnapped,' Foaly said, 'your partner can tell us what's happened and we can have you out of there in no time.'

Holly's eyes narrowed. 'Artemis kidnapped me once,' she said. 'I won't let it happen again.'

'This little mission will also serve to see if one of the corporals is ready to face the initiation test into Recon,' Root continued.

_Oh, great_, Holly thought. _A newbie who, in all likelihood, will forget about the mission and start hugging trees_.

She sighed. 'All right, sir,' she said. 'Who's coming with me?'

Root inspected a keyboard on his desk. 'How about Corporal Short? She seems very promising.'

Captain Short blinked. 'No, sir, not Berry. She's not ready; she's just a kid. Sending her against Artemis Fowl is not a smart move.'

'I thought you said Artemis wouldn't be that stupid and that this is probably a hoax of some kind? If it is, your sister is in no danger whatsoever. If it isn't, you will be there to save her from anything particularly dangerous.'

_Like I always have_, thought Holly. _Will there ever come a time when no one will depending on me?_


	3. Semi precious

Thank you to all reviewers, and I'd like to take this moment to answer some of your questions.

Izzie, there will not be a romance if I can help it. Not in this story at least. Joey's main function in this story is to say 'How you doin'?' and that's it. Newt can be found in the first Artemis Fowl book; he's breaking up a riot outside Spud's Spud Emporium.

Hitokiri Takushi, thank you very much.

Dormouse, I forgot about that. Maybe Berry was named Berry and she wanted to stick with it. I don't know, you'll have to ask her yourself.

Now on with the story!

Chapter 2: Semi-Precious

Koboi Labs

To the Koboi parents, Topaz turned out to be everything they'd ever dreamed of. After Opal had dashed their hopes by taking everything to the extreme, Topaz was like a breath of fresh air. She was reasonably pretty, quite clever, polite, and about as stubborn as a wet flannel. The Koboi parents were sure that Topaz would be everything they expected in a daughter.

They were, actually, right. Topaz gained her History of Art degree and married a rich young pixie whom she had met at university. Topaz was the perfect daughter.

Unfortunately, Topaz grew up with the headstrong Opal Koboi, who delighted in torturing her little sister. Topaz went through life with the vague feeling that she was doing something wrong; after all, why would Opal make those comments if they weren't true?

For poor, deluded Topaz thought that sisters should be best friends, that they should help each other out when they were in trouble, and never lie. This theory probably would have worked if Opal Koboi had not been anywhere in the equation.

Topaz's husband was killed during the B'wa Kell uprising. The younger Koboi sister had taken over his part of the fern shop and painted over his name above the door. Why didn't she sell the fern shop? Because she needed money. The Koboi parents had left what was left of their fortune to Topaz, but it still wasn't enough. Topaz Koboi needed money, and fast, because she was going to prove that, for once in her life, she could do something better than Opal.

Topaz Koboi picked her way delicately through Koboi labs. Bits of broken machinery littered the floor and the majority of the computer screens on one wall had several laser burn marks on them.

'This place is incredibly dusty,' Topaz said as she sneezed again. 'It's amazing how it accumulates.'

Her companion, Gravel, grunted. Gravel was a dwarf of few words.

Topaz nudged a cracked hard drive with her foot. 'We're going have to clean up this place, if our guards are to get around.'

Gravel grunted again.

Topaz glanced up at the plasma cannons sitting gloomily in their holsters, like forgotten puppies in a pet shop. 'To think that despite all Opals' security measures, she was defeated by two trigger-happy elves, a Mud Man with the brains of a mountain and a child who could barely run ten metres without panting.'

Gravel said, 'There was a dwarf.' That was quite a lengthy sentence for him.

'Ah, yes,' Topaz said as she ran her hand along the wall. 'The gritsucker, nothing personal Gravel.'

The pixie sighed and turned to face the plasma screens. 'We shall not be defeated by them. Are all the plans in place?'

Gravel grunted for the third time.

'Good. Oh, and would you please buy some more cat food while you're out? I'm afraid I've almost run out and my little darlings aren't the most patient of creatures.'

Police Plaza, Haven

'Another one for you, Marilyn,' Berry said, roughly pushing the goblin prisoner towards the custody desk.

Captain Marilyn Emrald, the second in command to Commander Mercury, nodded. 'Name?' she said to the goblin.

'The B'wa Kell will have power!' the goblin hissed.

Marilyn sighed and reached for a digi-pen. 'Is that one word or several?'

After a few minutes with the goblin prisoner Berry returned to Nettie, whose cheeks were flushed with excitement of her first actual police chase. 'That was amazing, corp, wasn't it?' the pixie said eagerly.

Berry thought about. 'Not as nerve-wracking as some chases I've been in,' she said, 'but quite interesting nonetheless.'

'When he went onto the rooftops, I thought we'd lose him!'

'Yes, it was quite lucky that van was there.'

The younger Short sister listened patiently as the pixie rambled on, finally managing to say, 'Let's go to the cafeteria, shall we?' when Private Hart paused for breath.

Holly was in the cafeteria, gazing gloomily into her mug of coffee.

Berry put on her best cheerful face and sat down opposite her sister. 'Cheer up, cap,' she said. 'It might never happen.'

Captain Short looked up and glared at her sister. 'You always say that, even though it doesn't make much sense. How do you know I'm not gloomy about something that has happened?'

'Then I'd say "Cheer up, cap, it's _already_ happened."'

'Amazingly, that doesn't make me feel any better.'

Then Holly noticed Nettie and groaned. 'Oh dear,' she said. 'I hope you realise what you've gotten yourself into, Private.'

Nettie smiled so widely it was almost scary. 'Only the most exciting job under the world with the best corporal ever puppy-walking me!'

'You should start a fan club, Bez.'

'I really should, shouldn't I?'

A few more moments passed in silence while Nettie went to buy herself a sandwich.

'So what _is _wrong, Holls?' Berry asked as soon as the pixie was out of earshot.

Holly sighed and returned to staring into her coffee. 'Root has teamed the two of us up for an above ground assignment.'

Berry blinked in surprise. She and Commander Julius Root were not exactly the best of friends so it was unusual that he would think her good enough for a Recon job.

'What about Operation Mop-up?' Corporal Short asked. 'I can hardly leave Nettie to handle goblins on her own. I mean, today she tried to take one on by kneeing it. A wonderful move, but doesn't quite have the same effect on a goblin, seen as they lay eggs.'

Holly shrugged. 'Root thinks he can spare me, and I'm sure Mercury won't mind losing you for a couple of nights.'

_You don't know Mercury_, Berry thought darkly.

'So what does this job entail?' she asked.

'We have to shadow someone; you know, see what they're up to, take note of the people they're with. It's a bit like an obo, except you follow a person and don't watch a certain place.'

Berry considered this. She'd spent several of her work days in the bag of a police van, waiting for CID to ask for back-up. Doing the same above the surface didn't sound too bad. Plus, she wouldn't have to spend the hours listening to her colleagues trying to beat each other at poker.

'Who are we shadowing? A rogue dwarf gone surface? Is it Mulch Diggums? Holly, if we're going to be shadowing Mulch Diggums, tell me now, because I really don't want to have to spend much time in the vicinity of him and his behind…'

Captain Short smiled slightly. 'No, Berry, we are not following Mulch.'

'There's a relief. Who is it, then? A grounded sprite? A disgruntled elf? A mad pixie? Or is it something else entirely?'

Holly shifted uncomfortably.

The beginnings of realization dawned on Berry. 'His name doesn't begin with A, does it?'

Holly glanced around to make sure that no one else was listening in on the conversation and nodded ever so slightly.

Berry punched the air. 'Yes!' she shouted.

'I don't know what you're so happy about,' Holly grumbled.

'I don't see why you're _not_! Come on, Holly, this will be great! You and me and Artemis and Butler versus some evil genius dude…'

Holly's head snapped up. Her eyes searched every single one of Berry's features, half hoping that her sister really _was _just trying to wind her up. 'What makes you think the Mud Boy isn't the evil genius?'

'He promised you that he'd be a nice Mud Boy.'

'So? You promised me you wouldn't mess with science project back in high school and that didn't stop you blowing up poor Hughston, did it? Ever heard of lying?'

Berry smiled and leant back in her chair, putting her hands behind her head and looking utterly relaxed. '_That_'s why you're so angry.'

'Why? What?'

'You hate being lied to, and Master Birdie did so. You want to settle the score.'

'I do not!' Captain Short spluttered.

'You do, Holls. I've known you all my life and I know what makes you angry. Blowing up Hughston is one of them.'

Holly's pager beeped. She glanced at it, drank the last of her coffee, and stood up. 'Come on, Bez,' she said. 'Duty calls.'

As they were heading to Root's office, Holly said, 'Master Birdie… I shall have to remember that.'

Commander Root looked at the sisters as they stood to attention in his office. When they were standing next to each other their differences became as clear as a troll against a white wall. Holly, the epitome of efficiency, her uniform neat and ironed, (Root had a suspicion that was actually Berry's handiwork; Holly was not known for her domestic abilities), hair cut back in a crew cut to keep it out of her eyes. Berry, the picture of innocence with her sparkling eyes and hair plaited into two bunches.

_At least the patrol uniform looks pretty much like the Recon one_, Root thought. If Berry were dressed in a Traffic uniform she would resemble a walking road sign: not exactly the most inconspicuous of guises.

'Corporal Short –,' Root began.

'Sir!' Berry saluted.

'Great. Well done. You have been selected to work with Captain Short on a mission of great importance. Not only will this be of great importance to the people but it will also decide whether or not you are ready to work in Recon.'

'Sir!' Berry repeated.

'I hope for your sake that you do well. Your task is to follow one Artemis Fowl. Make a note of the people he talks to and the places he goes but under no circumstances are you to make contact, do you understand?'

'Sir!'

'Do you understand, Short? I used to be a corporal myself; I know how flexible the phrase "sir" can be.'

'Understood it perfectly, sir.'

'Will you follow the orders?'

'Of course, sir. I'm a Short, sir.'

Root sighed. 'Yes, that's what worries me. Head along to the Operations' Booth and Foaly will give you your equipment. Captain, a word, please?'

Berry left the office and Holly looked at her boss. 'With all due respect, sir, I still think it's a bad idea to send Berry.'

Root shrugged. 'She's the best corporal we have. Her flight score leaves a little to be desired but apart from that she's nearly as good as you are, Holly. She passed her stealth test with flying colours.'

Holly blinked. 'She did?'

'Yes, Captain. Perhaps you should pay more attention to what lies beneath your sister's innocent façade.'

This surprised Holly even more. Root rarely offered advice on sibling relationships. Probably because it reminded him too much of his brother, the traitor Turnball Root.

'Look after her, Holly,' Root continued.

'Don't worry, sir,' Holly said. 'I will. It's been built into my system.'

Operations' Booth

Foaly looked up as Berry entered the Operations' Booth. 'You've worked here for seven years,' the centaur said, 'and yet you _still _think my office is on the other side of the building.'

Berry smiled and sat down in one of the swivel chairs. 'It's not as if I ever get much opportunity to come in here, though, do I?'

'No,' Foaly admitted. He swished his tail and trotted over to a bench where he'd placed several items. 'Standard issue: helmet, with live video feed – so be careful what you say, because we'll be recording – and all those other inventions of mine that are so useful. Also a gun – don't look so excited, Bez, it's just a Bug Blatter.'

'Are you saying I shouldn't get excited because of that?' Berry said. 'A Bug Blatter's my gun of choice!'

The Bug Blatter was possible the least lethal of weapons. It fired a small pellet of goo that enlarged on contact with air and encased the target creature entirely. The goo was entirely porous and even allowed a small amount of movement; however it was laser-proof, fire-proof and even bullet-proof nowadays.

'Just place your thumb on the pad and the gun will code itself to you,' Foaly instructed.

Berry did so. After a few moments her name flashed on the pad and the gun lit up. 'Do you think these safety precautions are really necessary?' the younger Short sister asked.

'The Council thinks so,' Foaly said, 'and I'm inclined to agree. Your gun cannot be fired by anyone else and any shots are registered in your helmet computer. If this ever comes to a Tribunal, that information could save you career.'

'Or destroy it.'

'There is that.'

Foaly then picked up a set of wings. 'These are Hummingbirds, so be careful, Short. Don't attempt any tricks.'

Berry gingerly took the wings. 'Can't I just walk?' she pleaded. 'You know I can't steer these things.'

'Sorry, Berry, they're what you get.'

Berry grumbled as she put the wings one. 'I never feel right with these things on my back,' she muttered. 'Makes me feel like I'm back at school.'

'I do have something that you could use instead of the wings. They're only much use when it comes to hovering, really, but you might prefer them.'

'That'll do fine. I can fly in a straight line, but diving or anything is way beyond my abilities.'

'They're prototypes, so they may have a few teething problems…'

Foaly brought a pair of boots out from one of his many cupboards. They were made of a dark brown material and looked incredibly lightweight.

Foaly showed Berry the bottom of the boots. 'Anti-gravity field,' he said. 'The boots create a sort of gravitational void beneath them, so it's not really a good idea to use them when you're hovering above someone. They'll take you up to about ten metres; anything beyond that and you need the wings.'

'How do I activate this anti-gravity field?'

'Simple. You tap twice with the heel and once with the toe on the left boot. To deactivate, tap twice with the toe and once with the heel on the right boot. Got that?'

'Yup. So how do I steer?'

'It's all in the way you point your feet. You'll get the hang of it.'

Berry put the boots on and was about to test them out when Holly arrived. Foaly gave Captain Short her helmet and Neutrino 2000 before informing the sisters that the next shuttle from E1, Tara, left in about ten minutes.

'Come on, Bez!' Holly called as she started to run through Police Plaza.

'Keep your hair on,' muttered Berry. She gave Foaly the thumbs up before following Holly out into Haven.

'This should be good,' Foaly said as he turned to his computer screens.


	4. Second First Impressions

It's half term. Have I written forty-eight new chapters for my wonderful readers? Sorry, but no. My sister's been hogging the computer. Also, I don't think this story will last forty-eight chapters; I haven't got a long enough plot for that, unless I change it to paragraphs instead of chapters… No, bad idea, Fudge. The inner J. K. won't let you.

Anyway, thank you very much, RaevanDawn. Love your name, by the way, very dramatic.

As for the grammar mistakes, Izzie, they are not my fault: my computer's autocorrect is malfunctioning (again).

Chapter 3: Second First Impressions

Fowl Manor

When Holly Short joined the LEP, she expected to be a deliverer of justice, the harbinger of righteousness, and involved in as many high-speed chases as possible.

What she did _not _expect was to be sitting on the roof of a Mud Boy's home in Ireland with her little sister next to her flicking stones into the drainpipe.

'Stop that,' Captain Short hissed. 'We don't want Fowl to know we're here.'

'Why not?' Berry asked. 'It'll make this whole thing so much easier if we just talk to him…'

'Definitely not, Corporal. Haven't you learnt anything since the Academy?'

'Yup.'

'What then?'

'You can be a real bossy boots, Holls. Lighten up.'

Holly sighed and returned to gazing at the driveway. Fowl's Bentley was in the garage and there was a dry patch on the tarmac to show where it had stood during the afternoon's drizzle. It had been raining a lot in the past few days; Holly was beginning to wonder if this was Ireland or Wales (AN: It's _always _raining here).

It was not long before Berry started fidgeting. Not for the first time, Holly wondered _how_ her sister had managed to pass the Stealth exam.

'Why don't you do something useful, Corporal?' Holly said eventually.

'All right, Holls.' Berry then started to sing, '_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddlee diddlee_…'

'That is not classed as _useful_, Corporal.'

'Depends on your definition of useful, Cap.'

It was then that the front door to Fowl Manor opened, sending yellow light flooding onto the driveway. A raven-haired youth appeared, looking around inquisitively.

Holly stiffened, then relaxed slightly. She was shielded, and Artemis didn't appear to be wearing anti-shield goggles or anything else along those lines. She was totally invisible.

So why was the Mud Boy looking curiously at the garage roof?

'Fairy,' Artemis said eventually, 'are you going to spend the whole day sitting there?'

Holly's eyes narrowed – so he _could _see her. She opened her mouth to say something defiant but her reply died in her throat.

Berry had stood up. She flicked her visor up and jumped off the roof, landing neatly before the Irish teen. 'Nice that we finally get to meet properly,' Corporal Short said as she bowed theatrically.

Holly gaped like a goldfish. Berry had understood the mission, hadn't she? So why was she so calmly talking to Artemis as though he were a friend she hadn't seen in a long time?

'Berry Short,' Artemis said after a few moments of silence. 'I would have expected to see your sister if the People have some concern with me.'

'She's here somewhere,' Berry said, 'but I don't know where. We split up to spy on you.'

Artemis raised an eyebrow and said, 'So that wouldn't be her on the garage roof?'

Berry looked up and squinted, as if she really was seeing Holly's shield for the first time. 'Could be,' the younger Short sister said calmly, 'but I'm not sure. I've been asking Foaly to fix the anti-shield filters in this helmet for months…'

'Liar,' the centaur muttered in her ear.

'… and he absolutely refuses to believe that there is something wrong with his equipment. Typical centaur.'

'That does not explain why you weren't shielded yourself,' Artemis said with a slightly accusatory air.

Berry's eyes widened in such a convincing display of innocent surprise even Holly was fooled. 'Oopsie,' Corporal Short said.

'From your reaction, I'd gather that you were not supposed to make contact with me.'

Berry shook her head with such a childish expression she could have fooled anyone into thinking she was a seven year old human child. 'Nah-ah,' she answered. 'Look, but not touch.' She placed her hands behind her back and straightened like a child about to recite a poem. 'Watch Artemis's movements and keep a record of the people he talks to, the places he visits, the things he buys –'

Holly interrupted then to try and stop Berry from telling the Mud Boy anymore about the mission than she already had. She jumped off the roof and unshielded as she landed besides her sister.

'That's enough, Corporal,' the elder Short said.

Berry smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry, sis.'

'Captain Short,' Artemis said gracefully, 'how nice to see you.'

'Don't think I'm here of my own free will,' Holly snarled. 'There are a hundred other things I'd rather be doing.'

'My, are fairies that skilled at multi-tasking?'

There was a noise from Berry that could have been a snort of laughter.

Holly's eyes narrowed. 'Stop attempting to be funny, Fowl, it doesn't work.'

'Why the hostility, Captain?' Artemis spread his arms wide, for all the world a wrongly accused teenager. 'I only returned from school this morning, and that is hardly enough time to think up the type of plan that would induce this sort of reaction from you.'

'You know full well that you've been planning this through the school year!'

'Planning what, may I ask?'

There was an uneasy stirring at the back of Holly's mind. 'As if you don't know!'

'No,' the Irish boy said truthfully, 'I honestly don't know what you are talking about.'

Berry looked sideways at her sister. 'I think he's telling the truth, Holls. Not even _I_ can act that well.'

Holly studied Artemis's face and no matter how much she wanted to deny it, Berry was right. Artemis was telling the truth, the e-mail hadn't been his.

_If not him, then who? If not him, then why would someone go to all that trouble to bring me here?_

Artemis watched Holly as this startling new evidence came to light. There was something endearing about seeing the elf so unsettled.

'What are you looking at?' she snapped when she caught him looking. Artemis transferred his attention to Holly's sister, who was looking around the garden and singing something under her breath. Artemis couldn't make out the words but judging by the way Berry was playing air guitar it was some type of rock music.

The light from the doorway was blocked momentarily as an extremely tall Mad Man in a dark suit stepped outside. 'Artemis, are you okay?' he said in a deep voice.

'I'm fine, old friend,' Artemis said. 'We appear to have some unexpected visitors of elfish persuasion.'

Berry waved. 'Hi.'

Butler studied the two elves. Neither appeared hostile; in fact, the shorter appeared to be singing _We Will Rock You_.

'Holly!' Butler said. 'I thought I wouldn't be seeing you in a while.'

Holly smiled, and it was only slightly forced. She could fume at Artemis to the end of her days but she found it hard to dislike Butler. 'That was the plan,' Captain Short said, 'but something got in the way.'

'Oh?' Butler leant down slightly to get a better look at the elf. 'What sort of something?'

'Artemis has been set up,' Berry answered. 'Someone wanted the LEP to think that he was, once again, threatening the People.'

Holly shot her sister a furious look but Berry ignored her sibling, instead looking up at Butler with an expression of open honesty.

'Do we have a name for this someone?' Butler asked.

Berry shrugged. 'Not yet. I'll have to go below ground and investigate. I'll ask Foaly to run a search on all fairies who have some sort of grudge against Mud Men: graffiti messages and so on –'

Holly rounded on her sister. 'Who is the captain here?' she hissed dangerously.

Berry saluted obediently. 'I was just anticipating your orders, captain.'

'Well, don't.'

'Okey-dokey, captain.'

Holly nodded, trying to persuade herself that she did actually have command and that Berry was not just a superb actress. 'Good. You and I are going to return to Haven and inform Commander Root of our findings, leaving these two Mud Men with our sincere apologies if we have wasted their time.'

Artemis was examining his nails. 'Oh, you could never waste my time, Captain.'

'Shut up, Fowl.'

Berry smiled half-heartedly at Artemis. 'It seems we're never going to have a decent, lengthy conversation,' she said with an almost forlorn air.

'I doubt a friendship with me is in the best interests of the People anyway.'

Holly had already turned away. She was scanning the skies for anything that she or Berry could possible fly into, although, knowing Berry, she could probably crash into something in even the most desolate of landscapes.

'Come on, Corporal,' Holly said as she activated her wings.

Berry turned to say one last goodbye to Artemis and Butler and as she moved her head she noticed something. There was a glimmer of silver beside a patch of tree that didn't look like it belonged there, it being out of focus. Blurred, even, as if someone had heard of trees and colour but wasn't quite sure of the way they interacted with each other.

Corporal Short moved before her brain had even figured out what was going on.

She knocked Artemis out of the way just as a laser burst came from that strange blurred patch, placing herself in the shooting line. Unconsciousness was immediate.

Holly had drawn her Neutrino and was aiming at the place where the shot had appeared from when she was hit in the back by another laser burst. She fell forward and joined her sister on the ground.

Butler was the next to be knocked out, and finally Artemis. Strange, considering how he was the actual target.

Okay, that's a little shorter than I intended, but the next chapter's probably going to be quite lengthy. I say probably, though, because I'm not actually that sure. There will be cats though, so stop nagging me, Izzie.


	5. How Not To Kidnap

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I've had twelve reviews! Yay! You guys are so nice! I'd like to thank all of you for reading the story and thinking that it was worthy of your comments. Yay! I've gone hyper!

Okay, I've changed the summary, and it's kind of good that you think that the summary ought to change because there has been a slight plot change and Artemis is no longer dumb during it. You'll find out what I mean. Anyway, seen as I am terrible at summaries, if any of you nice readers have any better summary ideas don't hesitate to send them to me: the address is available on my bio.

Okay, now to answer your questions and things:

Raeven, I honestly do like your name, and you're right when you say that there is a lot more to Berry than there seems. I'm not quite sure how much more, but she's definitely not as innocent as she appears.

You find out who's after Artemis in this chapter, aperfectattitude, and I've started reading your 'Missing Fairies' story and I think that it's really good (I'm basically going to be saying this in the review, but whatever…).

Aln9876, I kind of have trouble just keeping to the characters the author has given (oopsie) but when I do add new characters I try and make it seem that they were actually there the whole time, just hiding in the background. I'm glad that you and Dormouse think I've been successful with this story. Also, I didn't know that I was worthy of CAPITAL letters. Thanks!

I like that olive thing, Dormouse; do I have permission for Berry to use it? Mooo! There's a bit of Berry in us all…

Whoah, that was long. I wrote that much for five reviews? Imagine what I'd be like if there were more…

Now on with the story, which is what you were actually waiting for!

Chapter 4: How Not To Kidnap

Koboi Labs

'You _what_!' Topaz Koboi shrieked. The pixie in front of her cowered, his pointed ears quivering in fear.

'I'm sorry, Miss Koboi,' the pixie whimpered, 'but they were all there together –'

'Precisely!' Topaz shouted. 'Are you so dense that you did not understand the plan? None of them are supposed to know the others are here! They're all supposed to think that they're alone and helpless! Not that their friends are just next door!'

Topaz drew herself up to her full height with an expression of absolute fury on her face. She would have looked quite threatening if it hadn't been for the ginger kitten perched serenely on top of her head.

'Alone, they're just civilians with unusual qualities,' the younger Koboi sister continued, 'but together they're formidable. Together, the boy provides the brain, his henchman the muscle, and Captain Short,' she spat the name, 'is the driving force that keeps them all going!'

Donoka (for that was the cowering pixie's name) bowed so low his nose almost touched the floor. 'I'm sorry, Miss Koboi, but I thought it would be easier to get them all in one fell swoop, as it were…'

'You're not paid to think,' Topaz said scathingly. 'If you were, you would have a much smaller salary.'

'Of course, mistress.'

Topaz kicked a ball of wool across the floor; a tabby kitten raced joyfully after it.

'Perhaps there is something we can salvage from this disastrous situation,' she said eventually. 'It's lucky that I'm not quite as dim as Opal used to say I was. Although,' she shot Donoka a look that almost nailed him to the wall behind him, 'if you had followed instructions and waited for the police to leave, we wouldn't be in this situation.'

'I thought that having Berry there would make Captain Short easier to break,' Donoka gabbled. 'Nothing's more important than family…' He remembered who he was talking to when Topaz froze. 'To elves, at least,' Donoka completed, nervously aware of the guards behind him that would happily obliterate him if Topaz gave the order.

Topaz sighed and looked at the ceiling, making the kitten on her head meow in panic as it nearly slipped off. 'Let's just hope that Berry doesn't get it into her impressionable little head to act the shady hero.'

Donoka frowned. There were many words to describe Berry Short, but shady was not one of them. 'I always thought she was rather innocent.'

'You can be innocent or a copper, but not both. Never both.'

'Of course, mistress.'

Topaz continued staring at the ceiling for some seconds. Finally she said, 'I think I shall visit the Mud Boy. Yes, I shall do that, and perhaps even complete stage one of my plan. Then I shall visit my other prisoners. I trust they are in separate parts of the building with no hope of finding each other anytime soon?'

Donoka's answer was a very quiet one.

When he had finished, Topaz shouted, 'You did _what!_' in such a loud voice it was heard throughout the entire building.

The chief problem with going to sleep, Berry decided, was waking up.

It didn't help when you had had a good dream. A bad dream you couldn't wait to leave, but a good dream… a person could be perfectly happy in a good dream.

The dream she had had was probably one of the best. Root had sent her and Holly on an above-ground mission to spy on Artemis Fowl, and Berry had 'made contact' by talking to the Mud Boy. It was probably a good thing that it had been a dream, because Root would have had her badge over that.

Still… it had been such a hard dream to wake up from…

Berry lay in the warmth of her bed with her eyes closed. When she opened her eyes, she knew, ordinary life lay ahead of her. Holly would probably be shouting at her to turn the alarm off while she herself struggled with the smoothie machine, eventually just giving up and asking Berry to make breakfast.

Strange that Berry's alarm clock wasn't beeping now… Holly couldn't have turned it off because it was programmed to only accept Berry's fingerprints (this may sound a tad paranoid, but it ensured that Berry didn't sleep late, seen as the alarm clock was also programmed to beep every three minutes until it detected movement). Then again, Berry wasn't about to lodge a complaint. She liked sleep, and was especially fond of those few moments after waking when dreams could be remembered in such clarity.

_Come on, Bez_, she thought. _Wakey-wakey. You've got a city to patrol_.

Slowly, Corporal Short opened her eyes.

She did so just in time to see a door shut.

She blinked, then sat up straight.

She was not in her room in the apartment she shared with Holly. There was no alarm clock from Foaly, no posters, no calendar displaying fairy months. There were just white walls, a white floor, and a bed, which she was lying on.

Berry leant back on her hands. 'This,' she said to the empty room, 'is weird. How did I get here?'

She puzzled over this for a few moments before she noticed something. There were several black hairs on the white floor.

Berry got out of the bed and picked one of them up.

'Oh,' she said. 'So it wasn't a dream.'

She sighed and looked around.

_Well, Short,_ Corporal Short thought, _you've finally got a huge adventure of mountainous proportions. Happy?_

_Yup. Ecstatic._

_Now how do I get out of here…? _

Berry turned to look at the door. It was a solid thing, made from metal, and blended in completely with the rest of the room. There didn't appear to be any way to open it from this side, and anyway Berry suspected it required a magnetic strip on a card, so hair pins wouldn't get her out of this room.

If the door was actually closed, that is.

For the door had been closed in a hurry, and when people hurry they tend to forget things. Therefore the door had not closed properly, failing to connect entirely with the magnet that held it closed.

Berry reached out carefully and opened the door. The corridor outside was deserted.

So, what had she got? Well, the people who had captured her had taken her helmet, but left practically everything else. They couldn't have been very bright kidnappers because they had taken her piton cords and buzz baton but left her gun.

She placed her hand on the Bug Blatter.

Time to see who had the nerve to kidnap a Short…

When Holly Short woke up and found herself in unfamiliar surroundings she did not waste time thinking about dreams.

What she did do was catch sight of two pixies trying to drag an unconscious Butler through a fairy-sized door. A pointless errand, considering he had trouble fitting through one when he was in control of his body. It was barely the work of a minute to knock out the offending fairies.

Butler came round as Holly searched her victims.

'Where's Artemis?' were the bodyguard's first words. Holly had to commend him on the way he was always on the job.

The elf shrugged. 'I don't know. I haven't been awake long enough to explore.'

'Any idea who could have captured us?'

Holly shook her head. 'Afraid not. We'll probably know more when we leave this room.'

Butler glanced at her Moonbelt. 'They left you your gun?' he asked incredulously.

Holly smiled and fondly stroked the Neutrino. 'I know. Somehow I don't think this kidnapper is as smart as Artemis.'

The bodyguard pointed at the open door. 'What was your first clue?'

The two of them left the room and looked around at their surroundings. 'I don't believe it,' Holly said.

Butler was equally amazed. 'Wouldn't your Council have blocked this building off?'

'They did,' the fairy replied, 'but the thing is, guarding derelict buildings isn't top priority. Anyone could have broken in and decided to use this place for headquarters.'

'Quite a good choice, when you come to think of it. No one would think of looking here because it's so obvious, considering what the past occupants did.'

Holly sighed. 'Koboi labs. Who'd have thought we'd be here again so soon?'

People often make mistakes when sneaking. The most common one is the belief that sneaking means inching along the corridor with your back to the wall and trying not to make any noise at all. That was just plain suspicious. If anyone saw you doing that, it was unlikely that they would believe you were merely on a mid-afternoon stroll. The trick _was _to make yourself as big as possible and act as though you had every right to be there. Everyone was just so used to the idea that an escapee would be skulking in the shadows that they barely glanced at the elf striding purposefully with her head held high and an expression of absolute authority on her face.

There were two pixie guards outside a door three corridors down from Berry's cell. As she passed they gave a reasonable impression of Guards Paying Attention To Their Job, not Guards Who Think That This Is A Waste Of Time.

'Morning, miss,' one of the pixies said.

_Wow, I'm a good actress_, Berry thought.

'What's going on here?' the elf barked in a reasonable impression of Commander Mercury.

'Wiping, miss,' the other pixie answered. 'They've got the boy in there.'

Berry nodded as though this was the most natural thing in the world and that she did in fact know what the pixie guard was talking about.

'Any idea how long the wiping process is going to take?' she asked.

'Dunno, miss,' the pixie replied. 'Could take a few hours, considering how clever this kid is supposed to be.'

'Then I shall have to enter immediately.'

The pixie guards stood up straighter and one of them scrutinised Berry closely. 'Why do you need to go in there?'

Berry crossed her arms and started tapping her foot. 'Because, imbecile,' she said, 'there is a problem with the equipment and if it isn't fixed immediately there is a chance that the boy's brain will fry before the wiping process has finished.'

The pixies exchanged a glance. Miss Koboi was angry enough as it is; losing the Mud Boy's brain would make Topaz even more furious.

Berry could see that she was winning. The bit about the equipment had been a wild guess; she had only had a very vague idea about what the wiping process was, but sometimes even a shot in the dark finds a target.

'Okay,' the guard on the right said. He took an access card from her belt and swiped it across a section of the door. There was a beep and the door swung open slightly.

'Don't take too long,' the pixie said as he opened the door further for Berry.

'I'll be barely a moment,' Berry said and stepped inside the room. She didn't stop acting until she heard the door close behind her.

She wiped her hand across her forehead. 'That was close,' she whispered. 'I'm glad that bad guys never actually hire smart people as guards.'

She looked up and saw that she was in a high room full of complicated looking equipment. It was cool in the room and quite dark: the light came from a single source at the other end of the room.

For some reason, Berry was very nervous as she walked to the end of the room.

'I'm here to check the equipment,' she said, although her tone wasn't half as commanding as it had been outside the room. This place gave her the creeps, and she was a bit concerned about what would happen if there was someone in the room who actually expected her to check the equipment. Knowing her luck, she'd probably make it blow up.

There was a meow from the other end of the room. Berry walked towards it and found a calico cat curled up under a computer bank.

'Hello, kitty,' she said. 'What in the world are you doing here?'

She reached to her belt for the microchip reader that all patrol officers had been given to help them find stray pets' owners. Feral cats were becoming quite a nuisance in Haven.

It wasn't there. _It's not as if it's the most obvious weapon_, Berry thought. _What harm can a microchip reader be? _

Then again, Corporal Short had broken up enough bar fights to know that anything could be a weapon if you were desperate enough.

_Still, why leave the gun and take the microchip reader?_

Berry left the cat and turned around.

There was a chair behind her with several wires running from the person in it to a large computer on Berry's right. Gnommish words flashed across the screen, too quickly for Berry to read any of them.

The person in the chair was considerably taller than the average fairy…

'Artemis,' Berry said as she stood in front of the chair. 'Thank goodness I found you.'

The Mud Boy didn't reply. He appeared to be unconscious and there were several electrodes attached to his forehead.

Berry glanced from them to the computer. Her blood ran cold.

She had never seen a mind wipe before, but she had heard Holly's descriptions enough times to have some sort of idea as to what it would look like. However she had never thought the sight of it would have such a terrible effect on her.

She ran over to the computer keyboard. 'Oh no you don't!' she shouted.

She typed 'stop' as quickly as she could. Berry wasn't quite sure what that would achieve but it must have worked because the computer screen stilled and a laser disk slid serenely into view.

I should probably tell you, reader, that Berry Short was not a computer whiz. She could send e-mails and a few of the other basic things but she could not, for example, assemble a computer programme to wipe fairy-related memories from a human's mind. Therefore when she glanced at the laser disk it was pure luck that she had an idea as to what to do next.

Berry slid the laser disk back into the computer and typed 'reverse'.

A one to a hundred bar appeared which took an awfully long time to move.

'Come on, computer,' Berry whispered, glancing occasionally at the comatose human. 'I'd appreciate it if you could hurry this up…'

After what felt like an age the computer beeped and the disk slid out again. Berry punched the air in triumph.

That was when she received another piece of luck.

She noticed the other laser disks scattered over the computer bank.

She looked from them to Artemis to the computer and back again.

'What a lot of memories you have for a teenager,' she said.

Berry had managed to get through about two thirds of the pile of laser disks when the door opened. She remembered the pixie guards and her promise that she wouldn't take long at all.

Quietly, she slipped the remaining laser disks into her belt.

'Are you finished?' she heard one of the pixies ask.

'Almost,' Berry answered, somehow keeping her voice steady despite the fear inside. 'It took longer than I expected to fix the problem.'

Her hand was drifting across the keyboard again.

'Is the Mud Boy okay?'

_No_, Berry thought. _He's been kidnapped by fairies in a place that I don't recognise and is currently unconscious and, to cap it all, I haven't finished giving him his memories back. I just hope I've managed to give him the fairy-related ones…_

Out loud, she just said, 'He's fine.'

There were footsteps behind her. 'That's strange,' a voice said quietly, 'because, as far as I know, he's just lost his mind…'

Berry smiled. 'I found it again.'

She turned quickly, catching the pixie behind her with her elbow. He hadn't been expecting the attack, and neither had the guard by the door, which gave her an advantage. She shot the sentry at the door with the Bug Blatter before he could move and then shot the pixie whose nose she had broken.

'There goes the element of surprise,' Berry sighed. 'Oh, well…'

'Could someone please tell me what is going on?' Artemis asked behind her. She'd typed 'awake' on the keyboard and had just hoped that the computer would understand what she meant.

Berry turned, smiling in a humourless way. 'Of course, Art,' she said. 'Although, truth be told, I'm not actually that sure of what's happened…'


	6. Real TV

This chapter isn't very fast paced or, frankly, that interesting: it's mainly just several page of dialogue. The next chapter, however, will be very action-ey and it'll include a certain dwarf.

As for the robots? I'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I included them; I doubt I was in a sensible state of mind (of course, I am _never_ in a 'sensible' state of mind…) However they're included now and I shall keep them. So nuh.

Okay; I didn't actually expect new reviews so soon, but here are my thank-yous and stuff…

**Raven**: Please don't commit suicide! You're one of my most faithful fans! I FORBID YOU TO DIE!

**Me-obviously**: Thank you, I was beginning to wonder if including the cats were a good idea.

**Izzie**: Please don't be depressed! I still consider you a friend.

**Dormouse**: Thank you for your permission to use the olive quote! I'd say Berry is 'Vimesy', but I guess not everyone reads Discworld, and Commander Sir Samuel Vimes doesn't come across as innocent as Berry. I don't mind if you tell me about the cow thing, you can e-mail me if you'd prefer not to write it in a review.

**Athleticsrulz**: (totally disagree with your name, by the way, I HATE running). I'll try and include Foaly more, but I don't know if I can find a place for him in this fic. Don't worry, he will be in the sequel.

Sequel, I hear you cry? Yes, sequel. Once this fic is over, look out for _The Midsummer Hostage_.

Chapter 5: Real TV

Koboi Labs

Topaz Koboi was having a trying day.

The pixie sat on the old Koboi Hoverboy™ that she had salvaged from the wreckage that the LEP had left behind when they'd initially searched Koboi Labs. The Hoverboy™ no longer flew but it was still quite comfortable to sit in.

'They've _all _escaped?' Topaz asked. Amazingly, her tone was quite calm, and her cheeks weren't flushed red with fury. Then again, she could have been keeping her temper so as not to disturb the grey kitten in her lap.

Donoka, who was once again the unfortunate bearer of bad news, nodded nervously. 'Yes, Miss Koboi, although we are searching for them as we speak…'

'Don't bother,' Topaz said. She stroked the kitten's small head; it purred and closed its amber eyes.

'Pardon?'

'_You _won't find them. Fowl is a genius and Holly isn't exactly stupid. A bunch of half-witted pixies that exist only to follow orders are not going to find them in a building of this size.'

Donoka glanced at the door behind Topaz. 'What are we to do then?'

'Isn't it obvious?' Topaz clicked her fingers. Donoka shivered at the sight of her guards. They glided gracefully along the floor, although rumour had it they had a problem with getting up stairs. 'Let _these _find them.'

Donoka nodded and bowed. 'Yes, Miss Koboi.'

Donoka wondered what would happen when the guards found the prisoners, if that term still applied. Or did the fact that they'd escaped make them free? Either way, they were still the enemy.

The male pixie shuddered. He was starting to feel sorry for the group…

Berry Short was having great fun.

She wandered around this big building with a Mud Boy in tow, occasionally issuing orders to a passing pixie, and no one had noticed that she was an escaped kidnap victim. It was _great_.

'I love this place,' she said as she sent a pixie scurrying with an order for a chocolate doughnut. 'The guards here just obey the voice of command, it's _so_ cool…'

'For you, perhaps,' Artemis muttered, 'but I'm not exactly thrilled with being here again.'

Berry shot him a quizzical look. 'You've been here before? If you know the name of this place, I'd appreciate it.'

Artemis blinked at her. 'You don't know? I'd have thought Holly would have told you about this.'

Corporal Short snorted. 'Holly never tells me anything unless I blackmail her or catch her in a good mood, which happens about once every decade. Nah, I mostly get my info from Foaly.'

'Yet you still don't recognise this place?'

'I thought we'd already established that?'

Artemis sighed dramatically and looked around. 'This,' he said in ringing tones, 'is Koboi Labs.'

'Really?' Berry looked positively delighted. 'This just keeps getting better and better!'

'May I ask how?'

'Hell-_ooo,_' she said in a manner that reminded Artemis of Juliet. 'I am in the infamous Koboi Labs with the infamous slash famous Mud Boy, depends on your point of view, and I am actually bossing the pixie guards around! Don't you find the prospect even _slightly _appealing?'

Artemis stared at her and Berry was forcefully reminded of the way Holly looked at her when Berry said something outrageous or downright silly. The Mud Boy appeared to be searching every one of her features for some clue that she was, in fact, having some sort of private joke.

'You are one strange girl,' the Irish youth said eventually.

Berry saluted. 'Why thank you.'

Artemis was about to reply when Berry held up her hand and frowned. 'Can you hear that?'

'Hear what?'

Artemis strained his ears. He couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. Just the footsteps of pixie guards echoing along the corridors some way away and the occasional meow of a cat (Koboi Labs appeared to have become infested with felines).

No, wait, there was something else, a sort of metallic whirring noise that grew louder and louder…

Berry grabbed the human's arm and practically dragged him along the corridor, although it was hardly necessary: that whirring noise scared Artemis so badly he was almost mute with fear. The scariest thing was that he didn't know why it scared him.

There was a door near the end of the corridor. Neither intended to enter but as they passed two arms shot out and grabbed them, yanking them into the relative safety of the room beyond.

Berry gagged. 'Honestly, Holls,' she choked, 'there was no need for _that_.'

Holly smiled wryly. 'Revenge for Hughston.'

Butler, it appeared, had been a lot more considerate when he grabbed his charge and yanked him into the room. 'Are you all right, Artemis?'

The teenager nodded. 'Not too bad, all things considered.'

Berry was smiling faintly in a way that thoroughly annoyed Holly as the younger sister looked around the room. 'How did you two escape?' Corporal Short asked.

'The door was open,' Holly answered.

'No kidding?' Berry replied. 'Mine was too!'

Holly nodded at Artemis. 'What do you mean, "your door"? What about the Mud Boy?'

Berry shrugged. 'I think he was there at first but then our captor took him to be mind-wiped, which I don't really get…'

Holly nodded thoughtfully. 'I see your point,' she said. 'The Council would want him mind-wiped, but why some miscellaneous fairy?'

'Miscellaneous no more,' Corporal Short said with great gusto. 'I believe I know who our captor is.'

'Really? Who?' Holly couldn't hide the eagerness in her voice and even Butler looked quite interested; the only one who remained impassive was Artemis, who was leaning against the wall with his head in his hands.

'I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen up,' Berry said, dragging her answer out in a way not unlike Foaly. 'I believe that we were captured by no other than…'

'Get to the point, Bez,' Holly said sharply.

Berry pointed her tongue out at her sister. 'Spoil sport,' the younger sibling grumbled. 'You want to know? It's Topaz Koboi.'

There was silence. Finally Butler said, 'Don't you mean _Opal _Koboi?'

Berry shook her head. 'No, I don't; last time I checked, Opal Koboi was still snoozing in the Argon Clinic. I mean _Topaz _Koboi, the little sister no one's heard of. I think she's using this place as her hideout because it's big and still, technically, Koboi property.'

'Is Topaz as evil as Opal?'

Berry shook her head. 'I don't think so. From what I've heard, Topaz isn't a thing like Opal. Opal's at one end of the spectrum, and Topaz is at the other.'

'A bit like you and Holly, then,' Artemis said from the door. He was peering out cautiously at the corridor; the metallic noise was growing louder.

'Yes,' Berry conceded, 'but Holly isn't pure evil.'

Holly gave her sister an evil grin. 'Don't be so sure. Any minute now I'll start cackling.'

'Mwahaha!' Berry said and Holly grinned properly this time. 'You can't be the evil one, Holls, because I am! Any minute now I'll start stroking a long-haired white cat!'

Holly laughed and Berry joined in, glad that she had made her sister happy. It always worried Berry how serious Holly could be.

'Very funny, I'm sure,' Artemis said, 'but I think the merriment should wait.'

Captain Short was immediately serious again, and Berry felt slightly annoyed with Artemis for stopping her sister's giggling fit.

'What is it?' Holly asked.

Artemis stepped aside and allowed Holly to look through the crack between the door and the wall. 'See for yourself.'

Holly did so and gasped. 'Are they what I think they are?' she said incredulously.

This sparked Berry's interest. 'Budge over, Holls,' she said cheerfully, 'let me see.'

Holly numbly stood to the side and Berry caught a glimpse of Topaz's guards.

They looked like great big robotic pepper pots, about one metre tall, with a rounded dome for the head. A tube, not unlike a telescope stuck out of the head and about halfway down was another tube that resembled the barrel of a gun.

Berry tried very hard not to giggle. 'They're… they're…' she whispered, before she gave in to the giggles. She ducked inside the room and stuffed her fist into her mouth.

She had almost recovered when one of the robots said, 'Exterminate!' in computerised tones. Berry sank weakly to the floor.

'They're _daleks_,' she said, 'they're bloody _daleks_…'

'I don't see how that's so funny,' Holly said irritably. 'Aren't they supposed to be one of the Doctor's worst enemies?'

This didn't seem to help; it just made Berry's giggling fit worse.

'I didn't know you were a fan of _Doctor Who_,' Butler said.

Holy nodded. 'Foaly downloaded some human channels and the LEP get them for free, much to my sister's delight. Fairies love human sci-fi because it gives us ideas for more inventions.'

Berry looked up, tears of laughter in her eyes. 'I just can't believe that they're _daleks_. I know it's been done, but just… oh my gods…'

Artemis stared at the fairy. 'You are either in hysterics because you're so scared or you do actually think this is funny.'

Holy sighed. 'It's probably the latter.'

Butler said, 'You said daleks have been made before?'

Berry nodded. 'Foaly gave one to me as a birthday present after I got a place in the LEP.'

Artemis's jaw dropped. 'You have a dalek _at home_?'

Berry nodded again, although seeing the Mud Boy so shocked nearly launched her into hysteria again. 'Yeah, Foaly programmed it to say five different phrases if it detects movement. It's a sort of burglar alarm, you have to say a password before the end of ten seconds and it's coded to mine and Holly's voice patterns. If you don't say the password it follows you shouting "Exterminate!", "Destroy the Doctor!" and "Give me a cuddle!"'

Artemis frowned. 'What was that last on?'

'You never saw that Kit Kat advert? It had me in hysterics…'

'Somehow I don't think that would be very hard.'

'It's not dangerous,' Holly said. 'At the moment it just sits in the hallway and menaces insurance salesmen.'

'Hurrah!' Berry said.

Artemis put his head in his hands. 'This is so weird,' he said. 'I'm talking to a fairy about _Doctor Who _while daleks wander around outside and there's some mad pixie somewhere who really wants my memories deleted…'

The room's other three occupants glanced at each other. Even Berry, who hadn't been in Artemis's company for very long, had the feeling that this was not his usual sort of comment.

'Artemis,' Holly asked tentatively, 'are you all right?'

The teenager looked up. 'I'm _fine_,' he said sarcastically. 'Absolutely _great_. Bloody _spiffing_.'

That was really all the persuasion the other three needed to believe that there was something wrong with the boy.

Berry brought the laser disks out of her belt. There were five or six there, and these were only the ones she hadn't managed to restore to Artemis.

'Holly,' Corporal Short asked quietly, 'can I ask you something?'

Holly frowned at her sister. 'Not like you to ask permission.'

Berry shrugged. 'It's not my usual sort of question.'

'Fire away.'

'How far has Foaly's mind-wiping technology advanced?'

Holly looked surprised, and she was. Technology wasn't one of Berry's favourite subjects, unless CG animation counted.

Captain Short shrugged. 'The last major advance he made was only wiping partial memories, not whole blocks. He found that out a few years ago.'

Berry twirled the disk in her slim fingers. 'So he hasn't done any – how should I put this? – _experiments_?'

'What under the earth do you mean by that, Berry?'

Corporal Short took a deep breath. What she was about to suggest was weird and, frankly, twisted.

'I mean that he hasn't tried to wipe anything apart from memories.'

'Good gods, no!' Holly looked slightly relieved. 'That would just be horrible, and the Council'd never allow it.'

'What about someone who doesn't care about the Council?'

Holly found herself on rocky ground. For one thing, this wasn't a subject she was comfortable with, but what made it even more disturbing was the fact that Berry wasn't making some sort of silly joke about it. Holly had found herself wishing more than once that her sister could take something seriously and now that Berry was Holly found it scary.

'It's just disgusting,' Holly mumbled eventually. 'Inhumane.'

Berry nodded. 'I thought so. Yet it's till possible?'

'In theory.' This came from Artemis, who had apparently been listening to the conversation eagerly. 'Everything about your personality and character is just a little compartment in your brain. If it's possible to wipe memories then in all likelihood you could wipe other things.'

'Such as intelligence?'

Even in this state, Artemis was quick on the uptake. 'That would explain it,' he said.

Both Holly and Butler were feeling left out. 'Explain _what!_' the two of them practically shouted. There was a frozen moment in the group when the outburst was greeted by a faint 'Exterminate!' from somewhere at the end of the corridor. The four only breathed easy again when the metallic whirring of the dalek had faded away.

'I found Artemis connected to a large computer,' Berry explained in hushed tones. 'I thought it was just a mind-wipe, but apparently it's much more than that. If someone tried to take Artemis's intelligence it could explain this personality change.'

'And the large number of disks,' Artemis said smugly.

Holly rolled her eyes. 'A pity our captor didn't wipe your smugness.'

'I do have the highest tested IQ in Europe, Holly.'

'Admittedly, but fairies are more intelligent than humans and I doubt if you'd score above average if you took a fairy IQ test.'

'Oh, really? If I'm merely average, that probably makes you a dunce, then…'

'Stop it, the both of you,' Berry snapped. 'Artemis, I know you're usually a genius, but I'm afraid you're going to have to make do with just mere clever at the moment because I didn't manage to restore all the disks. Holly, please don't tease him.'

For some reason, Holly found herself obeying Berry. _Imagine that! _Holly thought. _She's twenty years younger than me – barely sixty-three – a Corporal and I'm actually thinking of seriously obeying her!_

'As for the whole personality thing,' Berry continued, 'your intelligence is what makes you so extremely smug and cocky, Artemis – oh, don't look like that, you are. Just try to remain calm and don't go bashing your head against the wall.'

_Amazing_, Holly thought. _When she's not pretending to be a sweet, innocent little elf she can actually be quite commanding. She'll make a good officer, someday…_

'We need to find a way to get out of here, restore Artemis's intelligence, and find out what was going on in Topaz Koboi's head when she planned this little kidnap,' Berry finished. 'Anyone have a problem?'

'Yes,' said a female voice from the doorway. '_I _do.'


	7. Olives

The first song that Berry sings in this chapter comes from _Barney _(I know, cringe!). A friend of mine at school watches _Barney_ and sings the songs a lot, so at random points during Religious Education you hear this sweet little girly voice behind you singing about raindrops and birds and eventually Jen and I learn the words so there are three of us singing. The second song is one that I made up. I understand if you think the above is useless information but I thought you might like to know where I get Berry's songs from.

Okay, reviews and stuff (it still thoroughly amazes me how quick you guys are…)

midnightPixie13: Glad you like it. 

**aperfectattitude**: bows Thankee kindly.

**RaevanDawn**: Puss in Boots eyes I'm not that scary, honest… oh, and Berry would like to say that she likes you too. :-D

**Aln9876**: (what does that stand for, by the way?) 'There's this boy and a girl, and they meet, and there's this chemistry between them…'

'They blow up?'

(from _Moving Pictures_ by Terry Pratchett). Sorry, it's just that whenever I hear the phrase 'character chemistry' that conversation springs to mind. I'm glad you find the characters realistic; realism has always been a bit of a problem for me. And I can assure you that no one blows up.

**chitoryu12**: Thank you very much.

**athleticsrulz**: I don't mind the throwing and stuff but I hate long distance running. I'm kind of like Artemis in that respect. Anyway, as to the story: Foaly is in this chapter (yay! I hear you cry), and is one of the main character type people in the next story. As for the annoying thing… I don't doubt that winks

**the perfect dingo**: Hey Enz! Glad you decided to come on and very glad you like the story. I will try and include more gadgets but as you know I am not very good at inventing. As for Topaz and stupid guys, I was just following one of the Laws of Narrative: bad guys, no matter how clever, always hire stupid people. As for the daleks… like I said, I'm not quite sure why I included them but I'm glad I did, because they've given me and idea for later. (Although I'm still quite curious has to how killer robots can give a story a 'lighter' feel…)

Chapter 6: Olives

Underneath Koboi Labs

Mulch Diggums grinned as he dug through the soil. He loved digging, all dwarfs did. Digging was the one thing he knew he was truly, amazingly good at. Of course, there was also burglary, but that could just be that he was good at not getting caught rather than good at stealing.

_Money, money, money, must be funny, in a rich man's world_, he sang cheerfully in his head as he scythed through the soil.

Well, he'd soon know. Koboi Labs was still full of equipment that would fetch a very good price if you sold it to the right people. The best bit was, it was all just sitting there, waiting for someone with the nerve to take it from under the LEP's nose.

Mulch almost giggled. The LEP. From how they talked you'd think they always managed to catch every criminal. If you believed the view put forward by the LEP, everyone would leave their doors unlocked and wander around in the knowledge that nothing bad would ever happen to them.

Which was, in truth, the worst damage the LEP could do…

Don't depress yourself, Mulch. Just keep thinking of how much money the equipment above your head will bring you.

Oh, it would be so _easy_. Possibly his best burglary yet, and the greatest thing was that the LEP wouldn't notice a thing. Koboi Labs would only have been checked once before: straight after Opal's arrest, and it was highly unlikely that the officers counted the equipment then. It would be checked again in two years time to make sure there were no life forms inside before it was demolished and re-built as a hospital (originally it had been scheduled for demolition in three months' time, but a television network had recently managed to gain the rights to make a film about the Goblin Rebellion. Rumour had it Holly was either going to be played by the famous actress Skylar Peat or newcomer Carla Avalon). Until then, Koboi Labs was unguarded and full of bits and bobs that would bring any dwarf enough money to escape the LEP once and for all.

Mulch's grin widened. At _last_, to be rid of the LEP. Root had promised him only three days' head star, admittedly, but it had been almost a month so far and Mulch was still a free dwarf. The money from Koboi Labs would be enough to buy the dwarf another luxury penthouse. Well, maybe not _that _luxurious. The Los Angeles police were still on the lookout for him so it would probably be best not to draw attention to himself. However the money would certainly be enough to buy him a nice little bungalow, perhaps in Las Vegas or Chicago.

He carried on digging.

The Short siblings, Artemis, and Butler were prodded and pushed along the corridor towards what was presumably Topaz's headquarters. There were four daleks on either side and two pixie guards behind. Topaz Koboi strode in front, head held high, a silver tabby cat curled lazily around the fairy's shoulders. It occasionally glanced behind and glared at Holly with malevolent amber eyes, as if scolding the elf for being taller than the feline's mistress.

Artemis thought that Berry was handling this amazingly well, all things considered. He would have expected her to panic, but instead she was looking around with the same air of innocence he had first seen. _Then again_, he thought, _you can hardly be a police officer and panic at the first sign of danger_.

'Are you going to tell us where we're going?' Berry asked cheerfully, as if she wasn't a prisoner at all and was just going somewhere with a friend.

'No,' Topaz answered curtly.

'Shame.' Berry looked around again and started singing (again). '_If all the raindrops were candy drops and gumdrops _–'

'Shut up,' Topaz growled.

'_Oh, what a rain it would be! Standing outside with my mouth open wide_ –'

'I said _shut up!_'

'_Ah-ah-ah-_aaargh!'

Berry rubbed her arm and glared at the pixie that had swiped her with a buzz baton. To add insult to injury, it was her own. 'What was that for?' she asked indignantly. 'I was only trying to lighten the mood.'

'Miss Koboi told you to shut up,' the pixie answered without looking at Berry. 'You did not comply, therefore I used force.'

'You only had to _ask_,' Berry grumbled. 'It's not as if I'm unreasonable or anything…'

'Please be quiet, Bez,' Holly said. Captain Short didn't turn around to speak to her sister, but remained staring fixedly ahead as though there was nothing more interesting to look at than Topaz's tabby cat.

'If you say so, Holls,' and there was only a slight hint of annoyance in Berry's voice. It seemed that the only person Berry actually listened to was her sister.

'Thank you,' Topaz said sweetly to the guard. 'I am glad that I was not forced to have one of my copper guards take care of her.'

'These things are copper?' It seemed that even with orders from Holly, Berry could not keep her mouth shut for longer than she thought necessary. The latter kicked one of the daleks. 'Doesn't sound like copper.'

Topaz's fists clenched and everyone there knew that she was running out of patience. Everyone, it seemed, except Berry.

'Okay, admittedly they look a bit coppery, but I'm not sure if copper would hold up to laser bursts. _A _copper would, but I'm not sure about copper as in the metal. Or maybe they're just painted copper? Are you just painted copper, dalek number one?'

'Exterminate!' the dalek answered.

Berry glared at the robot. 'Is that all you ever say?'

'Exterminate!'

'I'll take that as a yes.'

Topaz turned around, eyes wide and, frankly, insane. 'Will someone,' she hissed, '_please shut her up?_'

'No can do,' Berry said cheerfully. She then grinned and gave Topaz a mock salute. 'I will not be silenced!' Corporal Short said in the manner of a freedom fighter. 'You can take our freedom, but you cannot take our lives!'

_It's suicide_, Artemis thought numbly. _She's committing suicide and dragging the rest of us in. I am going to die here and now with holes in my memory and an intelligence that I am unused to all because some fairy couldn't keep her mouth shut…_

Topaz glared at Berry so fiercely Berry almost flinched. 'Shut up,' the pixie hissed.

Berry gave Topaz a clearly unimpressed look. 'Make me.'

Before it could progress any further a door up ahead opened and a dwarf stepped out. For one horrified moment Holly seriously thought Mulch Diggums had joined forces with Topaz Koboi, but then she realised guiltily that she was wrong. Mulch Diggums might rock the boat but he would not drill holes in the hull. This dwarf was clearly some other escaped convict or perhaps merely decided that mining was not for him.

Topaz turned to look at the dwarf and her features softened somewhat. 'What is it, Gravel?'

_We have a first name_, Holly thought, _although that won't be enough for an arrest if I get out of this alive. It won't be much use doing an identity parade, all dwarves look the same to me…_

'Movement,' Gravel grunted. 'Beneath the labs. A dwarf.'

Topaz started and Holly's eyes widened.

'Are you sure?' the pixie asked hoarsely.

Gravel nodded and was about to reply when Berry said sagely, 'If it walks like an olive and quacks like and olive then it most likely is an olive.'

Topaz ignored the younger Short sibling and examined her fingernails for a few moments, then said, 'Can you pinpoint the location?'

Gravel nodded again.

'Good. You, Donoka,' she snapped her fingers at a pixie that stepped forward. 'Take the prisoners to the holding cell. Take the robots with you. I will investigate the dwarf.'

It was probably only Holly who heard Topaz say quietly, 'I will not be defeated. Especially not in the manner Opal was.'

Police Plaza

Foaly was more than a little bit worried.

It wasn't just that Holly, who was a great friend of his, had failed to check in even though it had been nearly eight hours since she had left E1, Tara. It wasn't just that Foaly had somehow managed to forget about the Fowl surveillance mission and hadn't noticed Holly's absence until the elf had failed to poke her head around the door and say goodbye when her shift finished.

It probably had quite a lot to do with the fact that when a sheepish Foaly told all this to Commander Root the elf failed to explode or shout, but instead sat at his desk with his head in his hands.

'So let me get this straight, Foaly,' the Commander said wearily. 'We sent Captain and Corporal Short on an extremely important mission involving a Mud Man that could possibly have been a threat to the People, correct me if I'm wrong.'

'We did do that, yes, sir.'

'And Holly contacted you when she made it to the surface, yes?'

'Right again, sir.'

'But not when she arrived at Fowl Manor?'

'She did say that she had arrived and we do have some footage of a conversation with Artemis.'

'So why weren't you suspicious when Holly did not check in later to either say that she was a, coming home or b, finished interrogating the Mud Boy?'

Foaly was truly embarrassed now. Why did Commander Root have to hear the sequence of events again? Hadn't Foaly already said them once?

'I went to get myself some carrots and forgot about Holly,' Foaly muttered, his voice barely audible.

'D'Arvit, Foaly!' Root shouted, and Foaly felt on safer ground now. Julius Root was shouting: the world made sense again. 'We have two officers missing in action and you forgot because of your _lunch_!'

Now Foaly thought about it, it did sound more than a little careless. After all, Holly was one of the centaur's closest friends, so why hadn't he noticed when she didn't make contact with Police Plaza for over six hours?

_Because of your lunch. Because you were hungry and you thought that Holly could take care of herself, at least long enough for you to buy a snack. Then you came back and there was that drugs raid in West Haven and you totally forgot about the problems above ground_.

Root stared at the wall behind Foaly for a few moments as he drummed his fingers on his desk. Finally the LEP Commander said, 'Have you reviewed the footage of the conversation with Artemis?'

Foaly nodded. 'Several times, sir, from Holly's and Berry's points of view. There's a moment of confusion at the end and then it blanks out. Next time we see anything it's just six hours of wall.'

'Wall,' Commander Root repeated. 'Well there's useful.'

'It could be,' Foaly said, and was glad that another piece of the universe was fitting into place: he was giving Commander Root a lecture about how wonderful LEP technology was thanks to him, Foaly. 'Thanks to these new helmets we can study everything in absolute detail. Some plasterers put their stamps on the wall; minute, of course, but with the new zoom lenses we should be able to see. This should narrow down our search areas. Also, thanks to the new ultra-sensitive microphones, we should be able to hear everything in the building.'

'Good,' Root said shortly. 'I want you to get on that, Foaly. No objections, just play the tapes and listen – or look – for any clues that will tell us where the Short siblings are. Are you sure they're even still alive?'

Foaly nodded. 'Certain, sir. Their life readings are still completely healthy, although Holly seems to be a little stressed. You can't deactivate the helmets just by taking them off.'

This time Root nodded. 'Good,' he repeated. 'I don't want to lose any officers, not on my watch. Find out where they are ASAP.'

'Yes, sir,' Foaly said and walked out of the office. For once he was going to follow the Commander's instructions completely and absolutely: Foaly did not want to lose anyone either. Least of all Holly.

Koboi Labs, Lower Elements

Donoka led the prisoners to another part of the labs. Artemis vaguely recognised the corridors, although that could just have been because all Koboi Labs corridors looked the same.

Berry was still singing. It appeared that Donoka did not mind her voice as much as Topaz, or that could have been something to do with the fact Berry was now singing about seas and lighthouses than candy drops and gumdrops.

'_And I will wait for you_,' Corporal Short hummed. '_The waves will rise and the wind will call_…'

'Excuse me,' Donoka stuttered, 'would you please step through here?'

The four prisoners exchanged glances. 'Please?' Captors were not supposed to plead, or ask politely, or stutter, for that matter. Almost made you wonder who was actually in charge.

Holly smiled sweetly at the pixie, which could actually be quite scary. 'Certainly,' the elf said, and led her three friends into a high room. It was quite empty, apart from a few chairs and a table that ran along one wall.

'Nice,' Berry said. 'We get to die in cleanliness.'

Donoka, stuttering as he did so, then started explaining what would happen to the four of them, apologising with every other word.

Holly grabbed Berry's arm and pulled her away from the others. 'What is it, Holls?' the younger sister asked in a whisper.

'Listen closely,' Holly said in an equally quiet voice, 'and don't even think of disobeying. This is not a game, Berry.'

Berry nodded at the daleks. 'What was your first clue?' she said dryly.

'I have a feeling that the dwarf that Gravel mentioned is Mulch Diggums. He'll be climbing up through the foundation rods again. Take Artemis and find the dwarf, Artemis will remember the way to the rods. Get Mulch to dig another tunnel and crawl down to the Atlantean ambassador's shuttle, it should still be there. Send a message to Police Plaza and wait for backup.'

'All right, Holls, but what about you and Butler?'

Holly swallowed and looked at the ground. 'We'll be causing a distraction.'

Berry's reaction was instantaneous. 'No, Holly, _no_,' she said, trying very hard to keep her voice quiet. 'I will not leave you, you could be killed!'

Holly shook her head. 'That doesn't _matter_.'

'Doesn't _matter_?' Berry shrieked. 'Holly, you're my sister, of course you matter!'

'No, I don't.' Holly put her hands on sister's shoulders and looked Berry in the eye. Berry's eyes were a slightly different shade to her own and a different shape, but now they shone with a determination not unlike Holly's. 'Weren't you the one who said that you cannot save the world if you concentrate on one person?'

Berry nodded slightly. 'That was completely different, though!' she said. 'We were talking about human movies!'

'Is it so different, Bez? The principle is the same.'

Holly looked up and caught sight of Butler. She nodded ever so slightly and the bodyguard returned the nod, bending his legs slightly.

'Grab Artemis and run,' Holly said.

Berry nodded. Finally accepting what she had to do. 'Yes, Holly,' she whispered.

Holly took her sister's hand. 'Take care of yourself, okay?'

Another nodded. 'Okay.'

Holly opened her mouth to say something else but decided against it. Too much sentimentality might make Berry change her mind.

Captain Short drew her Neutrino 2000. A model that was slightly out of date but if it worked, why change it?

'Let's go, then.'

Donoka was still talking in his breathy, nervous way when Butler snuck up behind him and knocked the pixie out.

The effect was immediate. The daleks began barking 'Exterminate!' and while they did so Holly managed to sink a few rounds into the robots, resulting in sparks and erratic shooting from the automaton.

Berry grabbed Artemis's wrist and for the second time in barely an hour Artemis found himself being dragged along the corridor by the young elf.

'Where are we going?' the confused teenager asked.

'Foundation rods,' Berry panted. 'Mulch will send a message to the LEP.'

Artemis frowned. 'He will?'

Berry's eyes narrowed. 'He better.'

When Berry felt they had sufficiently distanced themselves from the fighting she slowed down and leant against a wall with her eyes closed.

Artemis jerked his thumb down the corridor. 'What was all that about?' he asked.

'Holly and Butler were a distraction.'

Berry's answer was quiet and her eyes were still closed, as if she was hoping that when she opened them she would be back in her apartment in Haven City with her alarm clock beeping impatiently at her.

'Why?' Artemis continued. He knew he should probably give it a rest, seen as Berry didn't look as though she could cope with this, but Butler was the boy's closest friends and Artemis wasn't all that keen on losing him.

'They felt the need to get the two of us out of there.'

'I repeat: why?'

'So we could get to the foundation rods, get Mulch Diggums to dig down to the Atlantean ambassador's shuttle and send a message to Police Plaza while the two of us sat nice and safe eating prawns.'

Berry's tone was extremely bitter when she said the last part.

'That's _it_?' Artemis's voice was almost a shriek. 'Butler and Holly – your sister, by the way – are trapped in a room with killer robots just so we could find some abandoned shuttle and call for help from a bunch of… of _sprites_?'

Berry finally opened her eyes and Artemis instantly regretted everything he'd said. The elf's eyes were hollow and empty but underneath there was a flicker of anger.

'I'm not exactly thrilled about it either,' Corporal Short hissed, 'but we're in the water now and it's sink or swim. I don't know why Holly and Butler didn't feel they could come with us but that's their decision and it's a bit too late to change their minds now. Either you come with me, kid, or try and fight off daleks on your own. Your choice.'

Artemis blinked. 'I think,' he said slowly, 'that you're scarier than a dalek.'

Berry smiled, although it wasn't as innocent as before. This smile was tinged with steel. 'Good,' she said. 'So you'd rather have them as an enemy than me?'

Artemis nodded. 'Definitely.'

'Good,' Berry repeated, and began walking down the corridor.

'Ermm… Berry?'

Corporal Short turned around. Artemis still stood by the wall.

'The foundation rods are _that _way,' the Irish youth said and pointed in the opposite direction as to the way the elf had been striding.

Berry rolled her eyes. 'I know _that_,' she said. 'I'm not stupid.'

'Then why aren't we heading towards the? Hat was Holly's order, after all.'

Berry studied her nails; she really should stop biting them. 'The thing is,' she said slowly, traces of her old self shining through, 'when orders come from a sibling, I rend to think of it more as friendly advice than actual orders.'

Artemis's mouth dropped open and Berry winked. 'I'm an elf,' she said simply.

Artemis groaned and sank to the floor. 'Elves,' he moaned. 'Don't talk to me about _elves_.'

Berry walked back over to him and nudged him with her foot. 'Cheer up, Marvin. The battle's not over yet.'

Artemis looked up. 'I'm not sure if I look much like Douglas Adams' Paranoid Android,' he said with a slight hint of a smiled.

'You're depressed enough.'

Artemis spread his arms wide. 'Can you blame me?' he said bitterly. 'I'm in a building several hundred miles below ground on the run from a mad pixie, my parents have no idea where I am, and to cap it all there are props from _Doctor Who _trying to kill me.'

Berry looked thoughtful. 'I don't think they are daleks, actually, and I'm pretty sure they can't kill you.'

'Why not? They look like daleks, they sound like daleks…'

'They're still not daleks. For one thing, they don't have a kitchen plunger, just a gun. For another, a real dalek can say more than "Exterminate!", seen as they're actual creatures and not robots. Finally, fairy technology hasn't advanced far enough to a, mutate a creature into a dalek or b, kill someone instantly.'

'What about Softnoses?'

'They've all been destroyed.'

There was so much certainty in the young elf's face that Artemis knew it would be pointless to argue. Instead he stood up and sighed.

'So in this case,' he said, 'it is not, in fact, an olive.'

Berry smiled grimly. 'Nope,' she said as she drew her gun. 'This has gone decidedly pear-shaped.'


	8. Spider Queen

Thank you to **darkmoon204 **for the review, much obliged.

Chapter 7: The Spider Queen

Koboi Labs

Mulch trotted happily around a corner, laden with stolen hard drives and dragging a plasma screen, and ran into a fire fight.

He was very shocked when he saw the fighters: three of them looked like nothing more than mutated overgrown cruet sets but it was the other two that really surprised him. Artemis Fowl, crouching on the floor and trying to make himself as small as possible and an elf that for a moment made Mulch think Holly had been messing around with anti-aging drugs until the fairy spoke.

'Flippin' heck!' the elf shouted. 'You don't give up, do you?'

'Exterminate!' one of the salt-shaker things retorted.

The elf raised her gun and hit the robot with some sort of green goo. Mulch recognised the gun as a Bug Blatter: hardly lethal.

Then one of the robots hit the elf in the leg.

'Berry!' Artemis shouted as the girl fell to the floor. The Irish boy finally stood up and raised his fists at the robots. 'Fight me, then!' he cried.

Mulch realised instantly that the boy was being rather idiotic. Mulch may not have been the most intelligent of creatures but even he realised that a skinny human could not hope to take down three robots on his own. So Mulch did something that was totally against his character.

He helped.

He dropped all the stolen computer equipment, turned around, and let loose all the air he'd acquired through digging up the foundation rod. Needless to say, it was quite enough to send the robots flying into the wall.

Artemis smiled faintly when the whole thing had calmed down. 'Mulch,' he said pleasantly. 'Nice to see you again.'

There came some coughing from the elf on the floor. She raised herself up onto her elbow and glared at Mulch.

'It would have been far more pleasant,' she gagged, 'if I could have seen you before I smelt you. My mouth was open.'

Mulch shrugged. 'I could hardly warn you, could I?'

Artemis knelt next to the elf. 'Berry?' He sounded as though he was having trouble believing what he was seeing.

'Told you they couldn't kill you,' Berry said. She tried to stand up and collapsed again, Artemis only managing to catch her at the last minute.

'Are you sure you're all right?' the boy's voice was full of concern.

_Aaah_, Mulch thought. _Sweet_.

'Fine,' Berry grunted. 'My leg's gone numb, though. It doesn't hurt,' she added quickly, 'I just can't feel it. Hey, that reminds me of a joke!'

'It wouldn't happen to be: a man has been in a terrible accident. He says to the doctor, "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor says, "Of course you can't, I chopped your arms off"?'

Berry looked at the dwarf. 'Have you been reading my e-mails?' she asked suspiciously.

'Nope,' the dwarf replied. 'I just remember hearing someone say that joke once when I was in a police van.'

Berry grinned. 'You didn't happen to have been arrested for selling stolen _Lord of the Rings _DVDs, would you?'

Mulch feigned surprise. 'Now why would I do such a thing?' he said innocently.

Artemis smiled at the dwarf. 'Don't play innocent, Mulch,' he said. 'Berry pulls it off much better than you do.'

Berry's grin turned into a childlike expression of curiosity. '"Pulls it off?"' she asked in a politely puzzled voice. 'I don't pull anything off, Artemis.' She then giggled. 'That sounds _dodgy_.'

'It does, rather, doesn't it?'

Mulch looked from the human to that fairy. 'Question,' he said. 'Where's Holly and Butler?'

Berry's face fell. It was Artemis who answered and he did so very quietly. 'They stayed behind,' he said. 'To make sure we could get out.'

Mulch sighed. 'That sentence does not sound good,' he said eventually. 'Will one of you please tell me what's going on?'

Berry tried to step forward and fell over again, leaning against the wall for support. 'We'll tell you as we walk,' she said.

In the end Mulch and Artemis walked while the latter carried Berry. The fairy couldn't move more than a centimetre without falling over because of her numb leg, so Artemis just picked her up. He was surprised at how light she was.

Berry giggled when he did that. 'I thought _I _was supposed to be the one rescuing _you_,' she said teasingly. 'What would Holly say?'

'Am I right in thinking that you're very close to Holly?' Mulch asked. He'd been wondering about it since the look of hopelessness on the young elf's face when he mentioned Holly.

Berry nodded. 'She's my sister,' she said, 'as well as being my colleague. I'm with the LEP too, you know. Patrol.'

'I don't have much quarrel with Patrol,' Mulch said. 'It's Recon that you have to watch out for.'

'I agree,' Berry said mock-seriously. 'They're all terrible in Recon. Untrained louts, the lot of them.'

'If Holly every finds out what you said,' Artemis put in, 'she'll punch you even harder than she hits me.'

Berry smiled and her voice was sugary sweet when she replied. 'You wouldn't tell her though, would you, Arty?'

'I will if you call me Arty.'

'Sorry. Is Art okay?'

'It'll do.'

Mulch looked impatiently from human to fairy. 'Are either of you going to tell me what's going on?' he asked. 'Or are you too busy flirting?'

Berry sighed and looked at the dwarf. 'We were not _flirting_, Mulch,' she said evenly, 'and I would be happy to explain everything that has led up to this moment in time right here, right now.'

She told him about the mysterious e-mail that Foaly had picked up on, the visit to Fowl manor, the attack, waking up in Koboi Labs, Artemis's wiping ('You have no idea,' Artemis said, 'how it feels to have less intelligence than you woke up with.'), and finally Holly and Butler's fight against the daleks.

'Their famous last stand,' Berry said bitterly.

'Holly asked you to send a message to Koboi Labs, right?' Mulch said thoughtfully. Berry and Artemis nodded.

'So why aren't you?'

Berry shrugged and rested her head on Artemis's shoulder for a moment. 'Because,' she said, 'I am not a very brave person but there is only so much I will take lying down.'

Mulch thought for a moment. Finally he said, 'I think I know how you can complete Holly's orders _and _refuse to take it lying down.'

'Oh?' Both Berry and Artemis were interested now. 'How so?'

Mulch held up a finger. 'Firstly I want you to promise that you won't breathe a word about me to Commander Root.'

'No problemo,' Berry answered, a little quicker than would be expected. 'I can say that it was just some random dwarf who dashed at the first hint of police activity.'

Mulch nodded. 'Thank you. That might be the case, anyway. I dig down the foundation rods to the shuttle, send a message to Police Plaza, while you two continue on your quest to arrest Topaz Koboi.'

Berry looked startled. 'That's our quest?'

Artemis shrugged. 'It might as well be.'

'Okey-dokey. We have a quest. What are we going to do about it?'

Mulch smiled, revealing his tombstone teeth. 'I am going to have a quick snack,' he said.

He said that at the exact same moment half dozen daleks cornered the group, each one shouting 'Exterminate!'

The three of them froze. Berry suddenly felt a bit of an idiot, allowing Artemis to carry her around. Her leg had stopped being numb a few minutes ago; she hadn't said anything because it felt nice, having someone's arms around her (she was a romantic at heart). Except now she had a rather forceful image of a foolish princess in a human fairytale, being carried around by the handsome prince because she kept falling over and breaking her ankle.

_Artemis as a handsome prince… now _there's _an interesting image…_

Artemis felt Berry tense in his arms. 'Please,' he said, '_please_ don't start laughing.'

Berry smiled apologetically. 'Sorry,' she whispered. 'I think you should probably put me down now.'

Artemis did so, placing her gently on the floor. Berry staggered for a moment before finding her balance. When she did so she drew her Bug Blatter and whispered to Mulch.

'I don't suppose you have any more secret weapons hidden about your person?' she hissed half-hopefully.

Mulch raised his eyebrows at her. 'You thought I'd use all my ammunition on you two? Of course I've still got a few vestiges of gas somewhere!'

Berry smiled grimly. 'Good. You take the four on the left and I'll blast the other two.'

Mulch rolled his eyes. 'Great,' he said. 'How come _I _always get the multiple targets?'

'Because you,' Berry replied, 'are the one who can shoot multiple targets all at once.'

'Lucky me,' Mulch said dryly.

Berry drew her Bug Blatter and took careful aim at the base of one of the daleks. 'Lucky you.'

She fired.

Her shot hit true: the dalek was immediately anchored to the spot, waving the gun barrel uselessly.

'Why don't they shoot?' Artemis whispered.

'Don't question it,' Berry grunted, 'just thank whatever force is stopping my leg from going numb again.'

Unfortunately, it was at that moment that the dalek heads opened up and several pixie guards popped out, each wielding a Neutrino.

'Oh, D'Arvit,' Berry said faintly.

When she came around she was in a very large room that smelt faintly of cats. Maybe she was in some batty old human woman's house? Her hands were tied behind her back and she could feel someone next to her that turned out to be Artemis. Maybe a psychotic batty old human woman that was good with knots?

There were people talking not that far away. Berry focused on their voices with some difficulty; the after effects of laser weapons tended to hit her quite hard.

'– to keep them together,' a voice said. Female. Speaking Gnommish. That ruled out the batty old woman theory.

'I agree, Miss Koboi.' Male, spoke with a stutter. Ah, Donoka. Frightened pixie dude. So that made the girl…

Opal? Good gods, please not Opal. Topaz was bad enough and she wasn't even evil.

Ah-_ha_. Berry grinned in the same manner as she did now when she won at _Cluedo_. Topaz Koboi. Topaz Koboi in Koboi Labs with the dalek. The world made sense again.

'This is what you shall do,' Topaz said. 'Take the boy to the wiping room. Take the dwarf too; his knowledge of underworld connection might come in useful. As for the elf girl… take her to the spider pit.'

Well, that didn't bother Berry. She liked spiders. It was Holly who screamed when she found any arachnid in the bathtub.

Uh-oh. Maybe she should be worried by the way that Donoka had gasped. Even Topaz's dwarf – Granite, or something – sounded a bit worried. His grunt had been higher pitched than usual.

Berry shook her head to try and clear it of any lingering drowsiness and looked up. 'Spider pit, d'you say?' she said cheerfully. 'Jolly good. I like spiders. Especially tarantulas. They're so fluffy.'

'Fond of spiders you may be,' Topaz said coldly, 'but even the most enthusiastic arachnid lover tends to steer clear of Tunnel Blues.'

Berry paled. _Tunnel Blues_. The little silver spider that she had only heard about. Even Holly, who had faced down a troll with only a little terror, paled at the thought of a Tunnel Blue. Course, that could have had something to do with the fact that Holly didn't like spiders and she had almost seen Trouble killed by a Tunnel Blue.

'It was so horrible,' Holly said whenever she relieved the experience. 'It didn't help that it was my initiation test, so I was more than a little green. Turnball Root – you know, my boss's brother? The psycho one that tried to drown half of Haven? No, Berry, stop giggling; Commander Root _didn't_ try to drown Haven. Anyway, Turnball said that I had to lure Root to him and if I warned Julius Turnball would make Trouble swallow the spider – oh, stop giggling, Berry, I'm not going to tell you the story if you just giggle.'

There was nothing funny about Tunnel Blues. They were silver little things with extremely sharp front legs that it used as teeth, grinding down flesh into pulp before it swallowed between fleshy gums. Berry could giggle about daleks but no one could make a joke out of a Tunnel Blue.

'How?' Berry joked.

'Oh, it's quite simple to steer clear of Tunnel Blues. They like dark, secluded areas –'

'That's my _point_,' Berry said. 'You couldn't let a Tunnel Blue loose in a building; it doesn't need a spider of the opposite gender to breed. Before you know it there's an infestation of the little bugge – bugs.'

Topaz held up a finger. 'Tunnel Blues aren't bugs, they're arachnids, but I understand that you were just trying to stop yourself from swearing. Very commendable. Clean mouthed to the end.'

_You've never heard me in a bad mood, pixie girl_.

'As for your question, there is a section here that my dear sister,' Topaz spat the

words with as much venom as a very poisonous thing (Berry did not specialize in poisonous creatures), 'built for her precious goblins to play soldiers. In other words, a soundproof room for target practice. It's only accessible by stairs and I've let the Tunnel Blues have full reign there. You could call me the Spider Queen,' Topaz laughed softly. It wasn't very evil or vindictive, probably because it tried too hard. 'You will notice,' the pixie continued, 'that your gun has been removed, along with anything else that could be used as a weapon.'

Berry noticed that they had. Not only had they done that but they'd take her Moonbelt, hair bobbles, and badge. Berry felt at a bit of a loss without her badge. With her badge, she was a copper; without it, she was just a rather foolish young elf.

_Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear_…

Two burly pixie guards picked her up. These ones seemed smarter than Topaz's other guards because of the fact they were too stupid to be tricked. They merely stared ahead and dragged Berry along the corridor.

'You won't succeed, Topaz!' Berry shouted. She knew it was hopeless and, frankly, rather pathetic, but she felt the need to shout something. 'Even if I die I will haunt you forever!'

'I don't believe in ghosts,' Topaz said breezily.

'Maybe not!' Berry retorted. 'But ghosts _believe in you_!'

Then the door closed and Berry gave in to the sobs.

She was still sobbing when the two pixie guards threw her through a door. She was aware of quite a long drop and then there was a thud as she hit the floor. A few of her bones had broken. She watched as the magic fixed them.

'How long will your magic save you, Berry?' she said bitterly. 'How long will spells keep you alive? Clapping your hands won't save you now.'

She pushed herself upright. She swayed for a moment and leant against the wall, then jumped away as something scuttled over her hand.

_Spiders. Oh gods, oh gods, oh _gods. Berry felt the seeds of arachnophobia starting to grow inside her.

_Stop it_, she commanded. When it didn't work inside her head she said it out loud.

'Stop it!' she shouted. 'You are not scared of spiders! You are slightly claustrophobic and terrified of bombs but you are _not_, you are _not _frightened of a few measly arachnids!'

_Tunnel Blues aren't measly though, are they?_

What little light there was in the room glinted off silver bodies. They were crawling over the walls, swarming around the fresh meat that had arrived in their midst.

Berry whimpered and looked up at the door. It was far too high up for her to be able to jump to and no way was she tall enough to reach it. If she had wings or something along those lines then there would be no problem, but one little elf all on her own could do hardly anything.

Out of impatience Berry started tapping her foot. It was a habit that thoroughly annoyed Holly.

She looked down at her boots.

A memory surfaced.

Sometimes all it takes is one tiny pebble to start an avalanche…

She grinned

_Topaz Koboi may be the Spider Queen_, Berry thought triumphantly as she hovered, _but I am the messenger of the gods. Let's see who wins_.


	9. Jigsaw Puzzles

Second-to-last chapter! The story is almost finished!

**dormouse**: I don't think anyone likes Tunnel Blues; they're hardly cute and cuddly. Thank you for permission to use the olive quote.

**me-obviously: **The thing you have to remember, me (wow, that makes it sound as if I'm talking to myself!) is that Berry is a romantic (and, frankly, rather giggly) and Artemis is not in the right frame of mind. (Of course, it's a debatable point whether Artemis is ever in a 'right' frame of mind).

**RaevanDawn: **I'm updating! Nownownownow! What you see is up to you; Berry says hi!

Chapter 8: Jigsaw Puzzles

Koboi Labs

Mulch was bored. His two guards weren't very talkative: one just gave Mulch a malevolent glare and the other was a dalek, although Mulch now knew that the daleks were nothing more than pixies in big motorised suits. Apparently this dalek was void of any pixie. So there was really no one to talk to. Artemis had been dragged off shortly after Mulch returned to consciousness to be wiped (again). The Mud Boy hadn't given much of a fight; the news that Berry was dead – or soon would be – had apparently sapped all the fight out of him.

There was a sharp rap on the door. The pixie guard grunted and walked over to it. He opened it.

Berry stood just outside. Mulch thought for a moment that she was a ghost but then he scolded himself. Hadn't the LEP thought he was dead until a few weeks ago? Besides, no ghost could have hit the pixie guard between the legs with such force.

Berry smiled wryly as she stepped into the room. 'Mulch,' she said. 'Hello again.'

Mulch raised an eyebrow at her. 'I thought you were dead.'

'Bet you I'm not.'

'Okay, so you're not dead. What are you doing here? Why aren't you escaping?'

Berry crossed over to the dalek. It stood motionless. 'Is anyone in this?' she asked, ignoring Mulch's question.

Mulch shrugged. 'Don't think so. It hasn't made any noise whatsoever.'

Berry nodded. 'Good.' She inserted her fingernails between the domed head and the body and heaved upwards. She had to stand on a table to do so, because the dalek was a lot taller than her. Finally the dalek head was hanging off its hinges and Berry could look into the dark interior.

'For once,' she said, 'I'm _glad _I'm only ninety-seven centimetres tall.'

Even so, sitting inside the dalek proved to be quite cramped. It was mainly taken up by a large joystick and several buttons.

'What are you doing in there?' Mulch asked curiously.

'I'm going to stop Topaz,' Berry said. 'I am going to arrest her and drag her into custody and give her a fair trial and then everything will be hunky-dory because both Kobois will be under the watchful eye of the LEP.'

'You're that sure she'll be found guilty?'

'Yes.'

There was silence for a few moments while Berry fiddled with the buttons inside the dalek. Eventually she found the one that made it shout 'Exterminate!'

'What am I going to be doing while you save the day?' Mulch said.

'You,' Berry replied, 'are going to be sending a message to Police Plaza, saying that two officers and two civilians are in danger inside Koboi Labs. The password is 'boomerang' to access the LEP message system.'

Mulch nodded. 'Alright. I'll see you later, hopefully.'

'Hopefully,' Berry agreed. 'Could you hold the door open? I think I've got the hand of steering.'

Mulch closed the domed head and opened the door. The dalek turned slowly towards the doorway and moved forward. Mulch snorted when it collided with the wall.

'I'm working on it,' a voice snapped from inside.

* * *

Mulch sat back in the Atlantean ambassador's shuttle. He'd sent the message to Police Plaza, asking for assistance, and the only thing to do now was wait and pray. Well, not _only _wait and pray. There was still quite a lot of food left in the fridge.

He sighed. It was completely against his nature, helping the LEP like this. He was probably going mad.

'Well,' he said aloud, 'if I do go mad, there will be plenty of people to keep me company. Berry, for one.'

He sighed again and upended a bowl of nuts into his mouth. 'Welcome to the club.'

Police Plaza

Foaly was beginning to get exasperated. Not only had he trawled through several hours of footage and found no clue as to where Holly and Berry were but he was beginning to suspect that this enemy was smart. Not as clever as himself, of course, but just clever enough to thoroughly annoy the centaur.

For one thing, not once did the camera get a shot of anyone's face. When it was removed from Holly's head a black cloth was draped over it so no one could see who carried it from the unconscious elf to its current location. For another – and this was probably the worst part – someone had found a way to stop the helmet from being tracked. Which was impossible. The tracker wasn't something electronic; it was sprayed onto the helmet. How could you stop paint from working?

Foaly hit the computer screen with the flat of his hand and instantly regretted it. Not only was the plasma screen incredibly hot, but all it did was cause the computer to whine loudly.

'Oh, shush,' Foaly scolded it.

However all that happened was that the computer continued whining on a higher note.

'I am in a bad enough mood already,' the centaur said angrily, 'and you do not want to make it worse.'

The computer stopped whining and the screen went blank. Foaly started; his computers did not usually break down without any apparent reason.

The screen came back into focus again, as if somebody had just flicked a switch. Then it blacked out again.

Foaly leant forward and paused the screen. Then he started moving back, frame by frame, until he eventually got to the shot he needed. When he did so, he chuckled.

It was a cat. Nothing more sinister than a pussycat. It appeared to look curiously at the helmet for several seconds before braving its fear and rubbing itself against the helmet, obviously eager for some petting. When that didn't work, it sat down in front of the helmet and watched it with the eyes of a hunter.

A cat. Not exactly the case breaker. However Foaly could run a scan to see how many people in Haven had silver tabby cats, although that wouldn't really narrow the field. Cats made popular pets and he wasn't even sure if Holly and Berry were in Haven. They could be above ground for all he knew.

Foaly sighed.

Then he noticed something.

Around the tabby's delicate little neck was a dark red leather collar. Dangling from said collar was a small gold disc. Foaly knew that it would be engraved with the necessary information to track the owner. A phone number was hardly enough for a warrant – the cat could just have stumbled in to the building – but it was a lead.

Foaly started clicking through the frames again, willing his heart to stop beating so ferociously. A cat collar would hardly point the way but it might be enough to set him in the right direction. That was all he needed. A direction. He could do the rest. Heaven knew he was smart enough.

A smile played on the centaur's face when he found the frame he needed. It turned just as quickly into an expression of shock and horror.

Topaz Koboi

1 Acorn Avenue

_Koboi_. Foaly hastily checked that Opal wasn't up to anything, and was relieved to see that she was still asleep in the Argon clinic. In fact, Dr J. Argon was in there with her now, apparently talking to her about the weather or something.

Foaly closed the window and continued to stare at the cat collar.

Topaz Koboi. The first name wasn't familiar to Foaly. There was no question that she was some sort of relation to Opal: Koboi was not a common last name. What sort of relation, though? Aunt? Sister? Opal had no siblings, as far as Foaly knew.

Then again, most people thought Holly was an only child, too.

Foaly hastily surfed the web for the Koboi family tree. It took barely a moment; as said earlier, Koboi was not a common last name.

Ah-_ha_. Opal Koboi and Topaz Koboi. Topaz was about the same age as Berry. Strange how the two families were quite similar: Holly and Opal, both well known names all through Haven, while Topaz and Berry stood in the background. Both sets of siblings had lost their fathers, although to the Kobois that was because Opal had sent him to an asylum.

How could Topaz Koboi mastermind such an operation, though? To what purpose? Revenge for what had happened to Opal? Then why take Berry? If it really was for revenge, it would have made more sense for Topaz to kidnap Corporal Short and hold her to ransom for Commander Root. Where was Topaz keeping them, though? You'd need somewhere out of the way that no one would think to search, somewhere large and secretive without the hassle of police patrols…

Foaly knew the answer just as a map of Haven appeared on screen with a small red dot pulsing gently on a rectangle marked Koboi Labs.

Koboi Labs

Topaz leant back in the Koboi Hoverboy™, a satisfied smile on her delicate pixie features. 'Well done, Donoka,' she purred in a way not unlike her cats. 'You have proven that you are not as dumb as a stinkworm.'

Donoka bowed. 'Thank you, mistress.'

'Your IQ is about two points higher.'

'High praise indeed from you, mistress.'

Topaz smiled again. Gravel gave an amused grunt.

The pixie waved her hand. 'You may leave,' she said, as if this was some sort of great privilege.

Donoka bowed again. 'Thank you, mistress.'

'Take the other guards with you,' Topaz ordered. 'I wish to spend some time alone with my cats to celebrate.'

Donoka nodded obediently and left. A few of the guards glanced at Gravel but when the dwarf did not move they returned their gazes to the floor. The daleks trundled out last.

Topaz clapped her hands together and jumped off the Hoverboy™. 'We did it!' she trilled, spinning delightedly. 'Soon I will have the intelligence of Fowl, the bravery of Short, the determination of Butler… this is the best moment of my life! Even better than when Daddy bought me my first kitty cat doll!'

Topaz knelt on the floor and stroked some of the kittens there. The felines purred, closing their eyes happily.

'Soon it'll be over, darlings,' Topaz said softly to them. 'Soon we can stop the LEP and I'll turn Haven into a sanctuary for you. Why? Because you deserve it, yes you do!'

Gravel raised an eyebrow. Topaz looked up, a flash of annoyance crossing her features.

'Shut up,' she snapped. 'I like cats.'

'Nothing wrong with that,' Gravel admitted. 'I like dirt.'

'Yes,' Topaz retorted, 'but I don't eat cats. I just think they're incredibly sweet.'

As if on cue, one of the kittens mewed softly.

A dalek trundled into the room.

'What now?' Topaz said angrily. 'Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?'

The dalek was silent. Then, 'Exterminate!'

'For goodness' sake!' Topaz shouted. 'Just come out of that thing and _tell _me what's going on!'

The domed head of the dalek flew open. First a pair of slim hands appeared, then a head of auburn hair, and then…

Berry short grinned. 'Just like that!' she said cheerfully.

Police Plaza

Commander Root surveyed the officers that had been hastily rounded up for this mission. They were a ragtag bunch: three Recon officers, two Retrievals, and several dozen street officers. About three wore the hardened look of what Root mentally nicknamed 'spirit sergeants'; in other words, officers who were artful and cunning and knew enough about Haven streets to not get killed every time they went on the beat.

'All right, men –' he began.

'And women!' came an indignant voice from somewhere near the end of the line.

Root gritted his teeth and turned to look at the speaker. To his surprise it turned out to be a pixie, defiance radiating from the childish features.

'Name, private?' Root sighed.

The pixie ripped off a textbook salute. 'Private Garnet Hart, sir!' she barked.

Root sighed again. 'You wouldn't, by any chance, know Corporal Berry Short, would you?'

Private Hart looked genuinely surprised. 'How do you know, sir?'

'Just a lucky guess. Anyway, as I was saying: we face a very difficult mission. Many of you are all ready familiar with Koboi Labs and Opal Koboi's madness –'

'_Apparent_ madness,' Private Hart hissed just loud enough for everyone to hear.

'All right, _apparent _madness,' Root conceded. 'Undoubtedly you'll all have heard about Koboi's role in the Goblin Rebellion. Well, now we're facing something else. Still a Koboi, but a very different character indeed. Ladies and gentlemen,' Root said with gusto, 'today we face…'

Here he paused dramatically.

He watched the expressions on the officer's faces. The younger ones showed keen eagerness, the spirit sergeants wore expressions of guarded curiosity. The only one who looked uninterested was Private Hart. Evidently she knew what was coming next and was dreading it.

'… the younger sibling,' Root said.

There were a few gaps. However they were drowned out by Garnet Hart's slight scream and then her sobs as she sank to the floor.


	10. Mockingbird

Okay, technically this is the last _chapter_, but if you count the epilogue as a chapter then it isn't. If you get my meaning. No? Okay then.

**Knight of Eternal Darkness**: Thanks, I think. Sorry about the melodrama, but when you consider the fact that I'm friends with Jennifer Spellbody just be glad that the characters aren't talking in clichés.

**the perfect dingo: **Not sure, I think he's gone on a coffee break.

Chapter 9: Mockingbird

Koboi Labs

Topaz Koboi leapt backwards, treading on the tail of one of the cats. She'd gone as white as freshly fallen snow when she saw Berry.

'You,' she stuttered. 'You're _dead_!'

'You'd be surprised how many times I've heard that today,' Berry said pleasantly. She tried to climb out of the dalek, fell over, and landed flat on her face on the floor.

'Ouch,' she said. 'You know, Topaz, it would be a lot of help if you put stairs on the daleks.'

Topaz frowned. 'The whats?'

'The daleks,' Berry said clearly. 'You know, this thing behind me? The Doctor's worst enemy?'

Topaz continued to look puzzled. Eventually she shook her head and said, 'I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. These are my guards, based on some of my sister's prototypes. They're controlled by a fairy sitting inside and messing around with a few buttons.'

Berry rolled her eyes. 'I know _that_,' she said. 'How do you think I drove the blooming thing?'

Topaz's eyes narrowed. 'Not very well,' she said scathingly.

Berry shrugged. 'Admittedly, but at least I got here.'

There was a grunt from Gravel. 'Fascinating as this is,' the dwarf said, 'it would be probably best if we stopped chatting and started blasting.'

Topaz gave the dwarf an annoyed look. 'You're always so violent, Gravel. What if I want to interrogate someone for once?'

'Interrogation?' Berry said cheerfully. 'Cool. I'm good at interrogating people. Sometimes I can get them to say more than they mean to.'

'Indeed,' Topaz said softly, before turning back to the dwarf. 'I don't know what your problem is, Gravel,' she snapped. 'You've been acting like this since we brought Short and the Mud Men here.'

Gravel shrugged. 'So?'

'_So_,' Topaz said, 'I am_ tired _of your attitude. I'm not ten years old; I do know how to deal with prisoners. I don't need you holding my hand and telling me when it's time for a potty break.'

The pixie turned back to Berry. 'Short,' she sighed, 'what am I to do with you?'

Berry shrugged. 'Practically anything. I am at your mercy.'

Topaz smirked. 'Good.'

'Of course, that doesn't mean what you choose to do will succeed…'

'So it seems. You have proven quite an opponent.'

Berry smiled and saluted. 'Thank you. I shall take that as a compliment.'

Topaz studied her nails. 'It was. What would you say to stopping this malarkey and joining me? When I take over the world, you can be queen of Haven.'

Berry made a face. 'Not queen,' she said. 'I always associate queen with silly old biddies in funny hats. How about princess? I've no objection to that.'

Topaz clapped her hands in delight. 'Deal,' she said. 'Princess of Haven you will be.'

Berry appeared to consider the offer. 'All right,' she said eventually. 'I'll join you. On the condition that you let Artemis, Butler, and Holly go.'

Topaz waved her hands. 'Of course,' she said, as though Berry's friends and sister did not matter. 'There's no harm in doing that, considering they've been wiped blanker than an unused disk.'

Berry's face was carefully void of any emotion.

Topaz held out her hand. 'Deal?'

Berry shook it. 'Deal,' she replied.

'Unfortunately for you,' Gravel's voice said, '_this _arrangement will not end well.'

En route to Koboi Labs from Police Plaza

'Honestly, sir, I'm _fine_.'

Private Hart didn't look 'fine'. Her eyes were red-rimmed and slightly watery and her childish features were far more worried than was normal for a pixie. However she was trying hard not to show it, which somehow made it more noticeable.

Root raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. 'Private, you broke down in front of the entire group. You didn't stop crying until Captain Kelp gave you a smoothie.'

Garnet looked embarrassed and stared fixedly at the floor. 'I'm sorry about that, sir,' she mumbled. 'It came as a bit of a shock, that's all.'

'Look,' Root said gently, 'it's not compulsory for you to come. No one will think any less of you if you stay in Police Plaza and write up your report on that goblin arrest; we know that family is a dangerous thing.'

What the Commander was trying to say was that he didn't want Garnet to make the same mistake he had when he faced his brother, Turnball Root. Julius still had trouble accepting the fact that he had hesitated: a chance to keep Haven safe from a criminal and he had hesitated. Why? Because said criminal was his brother. In doing so the lives of Trouble and then-newbie Holly Short had been threatened.

Garnet's eyes were dark and determined when she looked up. 'I know that, sir,' she said, quietly but clearly. 'Personal matters can cause mistakes. However personal – even family – isn't as important as keeping Haven safe.'

Root still looked sceptical. Eventually he reached a decision. 'All right,' he said, 'but if you even feel slightly weak about the knees then you're to return immediately to the shuttle, understood?'

Nettie nodded. 'Understood, sir.'

'Followed?'

Nettie smiled in a slightly spooky way. 'We'll see.'

Koboi Labs

Topaz rolled her eyes and turned to her supposed ally. 'Gravel,' she said impatiently, 'what under the world are you playing at?'

Gravel had his hand behind his back. 'Mutiny,' he replied.

In all fairness to her, Topaz was quick on the uptake. 'Guards! Guards!' she shouted.

No one entered. Slowly, casually, Gravel drew a Softnose from behind his back.

_Oh_, Berry thought. _So maybe they _weren't _all destroyed_.

'Topaz, Topaz, Topaz,' the dwarf said softly, almost pityingly. 'You were doing so well up until that moment.'

'Who are you working for?' the pixie spat. 'The LEP? My _sister_?'

Gravel pointed the gun at Berry. 'Ask her.'

If looks could kill, Berry would have been stone cold in the morgue. 'He's honestly not with us,' Corporal Short said. 'As a general rule, the LEP doesn't use dwarfs.'

Topaz's gaze switched back to Gravel. 'Were you working for my sister, then?'

'No, Gravel replied coolly. 'I was working for myself.'

Topaz sighed and looked at the floor. 'I thought so,' she said quietly. 'I was just the pretty face, am I right?'

Gravel nodded, a malicious expression on his dwarfish features.

Topaz kicked the floor. 'I fell for the same trick as Opal,' she said bitterly. 'Gods, I'm stupid.'

Berry wanted to say that no, she wasn't, but all evidence pointed in that direction so she decided to keep quiet.

Topaz looked forlornly at the elf. 'You weren't even considering joining me, were you?'

Berry shook her head apologetically. 'Sorry,' she said. 'I'm a copper. The safety of my city takes top priority.'

Topaz sighed again and returned to studying the floor. 'I thought so.'

Against all common sense, Berry's heart went out to the pixie. _Gods, _she thought. _She kidnapped your sister, wiped your friend's mind, and you are actually feeling sorry for her. Kids, sympathy is a terrible thing._

Gravel clicked his tongue. 'Very touching,' he said. 'However I'm afraid a sob story isn't going to save you now. In fact, no– get off me, you stupid moggy!'

For one of Topaz's cats – the silver tabby – had wound itself around Gravel's leg. When he tried to kick the cat away, it growled, and sank its teeth into his leg.

The dwarf screamed in pain. For a moment he was distracted and a moment was all that was needed. Quick as a flash, Berry leapt into the dalek and aimed the gun at the dwarf. Careful not to hit the cat, Berry shot Gravel several timed in quick succession, just to be sure he was entirely numb and could do no more damage.

When she clambered out again (this time she didn't fall over), Topaz was sitting on the floor and hugging the silver tabby tightly.

'Thank you,' the pixie was saying, over and over again. 'You are a wonderful cat. Thank you so much, Guardian.'

The cat closed its eyes and purred.

Topaz turned to look at Berry. She smiled sadly. 'I suppose I'm going to be arrested now, aren't I?'

Berry nodded, although she didn't look that happy about it all.

Topaz sighed and buried her face in the cat's fur. 'I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt,' she said, although her voice was muted. 'I just wanted to prove I was better than Opal. For once, I was going to be better than Opal.'

Berry sat down next to her. 'I know what you mean,' she said. 'Sometimes it can be hard being Holly's sister. They never see _you_, they see Holly's little sister. Or Opal's, as the case may be.'

Topaz looked up. Tears clung to her lashes. 'The only person,' she choked, 'who ever saw me as me was Daddy. Then Opal sent him away. I hate her for that. I hate her.'

Berry placed her hand on Topaz's shoulder. She too knew what it was like to lose a father, although admittedly she had not been very close to him. Berry couldn't really relate to the whole 'I hate my sister thing' though; sometimes she disliked Holly, but there was always the same fierce pride and sibling love beneath it all.

In the absence of anything to say, Berry started singing. '_Hush, little baby, don't say a word; Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird…_'

Topaz smiled sleepily, closed her eyes, and leant against Berry. Berry continued singing, eventually reaching the point where she was making it up as she went along.

'_And if that diamond ring don't shine,_

_Papa's gonna buy you a goldmine._

_And if that mine don't make you rich,_

_Papa's gonna buy you a rugby pitch_…'

The door opened. A face poked through the gap.

'Topaz,' Nettie breathed. 'Is she all right?' she asked Berry.

Berry nodded. 'A bit sleepy, and more than a tad upset about the whole arrest thing. How did you get here?'

'Long story.' Nettie knelt down beside Berry and transferred her cousin's weight to herself. 'It's all right, Topaz,' she said soothingly. 'I'm here. It's Nettie.'

Topaz nodded sleepily.

'We're here because someone sent a distress signal from Koboi Labs and Root decided to follow the lead,' Nettie said to Berry. 'There are officers all over the building. Trouble's found your equipment. Root's in the foyer, waiting for the news that you and your sister are safe.'

Berry nodded, then smacked herself on the forehead. 'The wiping!' she exclaimed. 'I clean forgot!'

It turned out that there wasn't actually that much to be worried about. Holly, Artemis, and Butler were in the wiping room, but none of them were hooked up to the computer.

Holly smiled when she saw her sister. 'Welcome to the party,' she said. 'I'm afraid we started without you.'

Berry saw they had. A few of the pixie guards were out cold on the floor.

Without a word, Berry hugged her sister tightly. Holly looked more than a little surprised by this but returned the hug anyway.

'What's that all about?' Holly asked suspiciously when Berry let go of her.

'I'm just glad that you're my sister,' Berry said, 'and that you're safe and that you are not, for example, Opal Koboi.'

Holly opened her mouth to reply but was cut short by Artemis. (Ha ha, bad pun!)

'You appear to have forgotten,' the Irish teenager said, 'that you, Berry, are the one with the disks that return me to my former intelligence and state of mind.'

Berry rolled her eyes. 'You're right, of course,' she said. 'Heaven forbid you wait a minute longer…'

Artemis was placed in the chair and the electrodes were attached to his forehead. Ten minutes later, he was back to his old gloating self.

'Shame,' Holly said. 'Shorn of most of his personality, I quite like him.'

Then, almost as suddenly as it had begun, it was all over.

Well, not entirely over. There would be, for many years to come, the question as to who had sent the distress signal. Berry kept unusually quiet about that, swearing that she had not idea who had sent the message. The LEP didn't ask Artemis and probably wouldn't have believed his answer anyway. The only other two people who were there were Holly and Butler, and they hadn't seen their mystery helper.

There was also the question as to how Topaz had managed to obtain so many helpers. It was discovered that most of them had worked for her at the fern shop, but those who hadn't kept quiet about the whole thing. This didn't really come as a surprise: criminals were not known for their cooperation.

Berry refused to take credit for what she had done. She gave most of the glory to Holly and, when Holly wasn't around, the cat.

Later, when Artemis asked why, Berry replied, 'Because being a hero can be such a drag. Besides, I don't look the part. Better for Haven to believe that their darling Holly Short saved them once again.'

Root was incredibly relieved to see his officers returned, safe and sound, but he wouldn't admit it. Instead he gave a gruff, 'Well done,' and patted Holly on the back.

Topaz was arrested, although there was some protest from Berry. After all, it wasn't as if Topaz had actually hurt anyone, was it? However, as Trouble Kelp pointed out gently, 'You can't go changing the law to suit your needs.'

Berry and Holly, along with two or three other officers, accompanied Artemis and Butler back to Police Plaza, where there was the traditional argument as to whether they should be mind-wiped. Berry pointed out that the two of them hadn't asked to be involved: Topaz and the LEP had dragged the humans into the whole thing; therefore there was no basis for a mind-wipe. A disgruntled Council agreed that the young elf was right and sent Artemis and Butler on their way home.

'But if something like this happens again,' the Chairman said, 'I'm afraid that we are going to have to wipe the two of you.'

Artemis nodded and agreed to what the Council said. After all, he didn't plan on getting involved with the fairies again. Far too much bother. Sure, he liked them and all, but honestly, how were you supposed to get anything done if you spent all your time gallivanting with pointy-eared short people?

E1, Tara

It was night when Artemis and Butler arrived at Fowl Manor again, courtesy of fairy transport. Holly and Berry were with them, both with wings, although Berry had kept hold of her boots.

Artemis studied his nails. 'Am I right in thinking,' he said to Holly, 'that you are going to say something along the lines of "goodbye, for I will never see you again", and a few weeks later turn up on my doorstep?'

'Why?' Holly looked hurt. 'Don't you _like _my turning up on your doorstep?'

Berry shrugged. 'I guess it's one of those things that you shouldn't say,' she said. 'Like "I think we lost them" in a car chase. Or any sort of chase, for that matter.'

Holly smiled and turned to Butler. 'Bye, then,' she said. 'This'll _probably _be the last goodbye but knowing your charge we're going to be called upon once again to save his hide.'

'May I point out,' Artemis began, 'that this time _you _came to _me_.'

'Only because you sent a suspicious e-mail.'

'That was from Topaz Koboi and you know it.'

'No, I don't, she hasn't said anything yet. She's still asleep.'

'However I'm sure that when she wakes up she will admit to sending an e-mail to lure the two of you to Fowl Manor.'

'Ah, yes, but what if she _doesn't_?'

Berry and Butler rolled their eyes as the other two continued bickering. They only stopped when they remembered that Berry and Butler were, in fact, present.

Holly held out her hand. 'Goodbye, Artemis,' she said formally. 'It has been all right to see you again.'

Artemis shook her slim elfin hand. He practically enveloped it. 'Same here,' he said, mimicking Holly's formal tones.

Holly hugged Butler and turned away. 'Come on, Bez,' she said as she started up her wings.

'Oh, so _I _don't get to say goodbye?'

Holly sighed. 'All right, but be quick. According to Foaly the next return shuttle leaves in seven minutes.'

'Okey-dokey,' Berry replied.

Holly buzzed up her shield and presumably left, although it was hard to tell, what with her being invisible.

Artemis smiled slightly at Berry. 'Thanks to you,' he said, 'I'm going to be saying "okey-dokey", "alrighty then", and some of your various other phrases for weeks.'

Berry grinned like the Cheshire Cat. 'Nice to see I've had a lasting effect,' she said.

The elf turned to Butler. 'Bye, Butler,' she said. 'Shame we didn't get to spend more time together, Holly always speaks highly of you.'

Butler nodded and smiled at the elf. 'She spoke quite highly of you, when you weren't around.'

Berry looked genuinely surprised by this. 'Is that the truth? Wow.'

As she said that her hand unconsciously stroked her badge, which had been returned to her as soon as it was found. She seemed a lot more relaxed with it.

'You know,' Artemis said, 'we never _did _have that deep and meaningful conversation.'

'We talked about Life, the Universe, and Everything on the shuttle back to Police Plaza.'

'Yes, but I'm not sure if forty two counts as deep and meaningful.'

Berry smiled again. 'Bye, Art.'

'Bye, Bez.'

She tapped her foot – twice with the heel and once with the toe of the left boot – and hovered gently in the air.

'I'll hopefully see you two around,' she said. The she buzzed up her shield and flew away across the grass towards E1, Tara.

The front door of Fowl Manor opened and Angeline Fowl appeared, framed by the yellow light from the hall. 'Arty?' she called. 'Arty, are you all right? It's getting cold.'

Artemis smiled, walked towards his home, and hugged his mother. She looked a bit surprised but welcomed her son's unusual display of affection.

'I'm fine,' he said. 'In fact, I'm more than fine. I feel great.'

In that moment, on that night, everything felt superlative.


	11. Epilogue

**The Dark Empress of Eternity: **I'm drafting a new story with Berry as we speak, and seen as the summer holidays start next week it should be available some time in the autumn.

**dormouse**: Sorry. I'll try and bring Donoka back.

Epilogue: Sergeant's Stripes

Three days later, Police Plaza

Berry was finally getting around to writing her report on what was rapidly becoming known as the 'Topaz Episode', despite the fact that Berry continually pointed out that made the whole thing sound like some sort of anime cartoon. She sat in the cafeteria, digi pen in one hand and an apple in the other, while Nettie read the whole thing over her shoulder and pointed out the occasional grammar mistake.

'There isn't an apostrophe if you mean "it-owns",' Nettie said patiently for something like the tenth time.

'All right, all right,' Berry said, slightly annoyed at the constant interruptions. 'I get it.'

'I don't think you do,' Nettie said reproachfully. 'I really should arrange some grammar lessons for you.'

Berry groaned inwardly.

They were interrupted by the arrival of Marilyn.

'Hello, Captain,' Berry said, glad of any reason to distract Nettie from a world of commas and apostrophes. 'Anything interesting going on?'

'Commander Mercury wants to see you in his office now,' Marilyn said, never one to waste time with small talk.

Berry looked startled. 'What, now?'

Marilyn rolled her eyes. 'Yes, _now_.'

Berry waved a hasty goodbye to Nettie, attached her pen to her belt, tucked her report beneath her arm, and marched to Commander Mercury's office.

She knocked briskly on the door. The voice that said, 'Come in,' didn't sound like Mercury's usual cheerful self. Berry wondered if someone had forgotten to buy some more carrots.

When she opened the door, Berry had a feeling that this whole thing had gone beyond carrots.

Mercury sat at his desk, staring at his fridge. It was full of vegetables and fruit but the Commander himself wasn't eating any of them.

'Sir?' Berry asked tentatively. The fact that Mercury wasn't eating made her feel more than a little out of place.

Mercury looked up, his usually bright eyes sad. 'Hello, Short.'

Berry stood to attention.

'You can stop all that, Berry.'

Berry tried to hide her confusion and stood at ease. What in the world was going on.

Mercury sighed and looked away. 'You don't have to salute to me any more.'

Berry's blood ran cold. She had a pretty good idea what the Commander meant by that, and she didn't like it one bit.

_It was all that business with not shielding_, Berry scolded herself. _You stupid, stupid fairy, why didn't you shield? It's cost you your job now! Was it all really worth it? Okay, so you got to see the inside of a dalek. Worth getting fired over?_

Berry felt her world tumble away.

'All things come to an end, as I am sure you're aware,' Mercury continued in the same melancholy tone. 'Even the good things.'

_Oh, no…_

Mercury looked up at Berry, who in turn tried to look impassive.

'You,' Mercury said, 'have been offered a place in CID.'

_This is it, I'm now officially – hello? Me? A detective in the Crime Investigation Department? Now _here's _a turnaround._

Berry considered it for a moment. When she answered, she wasn't quite sure that she was the one who was speaking.

'Sorry, sir,' she said slowly, 'but I'm afraid I have to decline.'

Mercury looked surprised. 'Oh?'

'I'm too well-known, sir,' Berry gabbled. 'Sure, I'm a good actress, but if I'm wanted undercover everyone will know that I'm Holly's sister, which means they'll withhold information, which means I won't be able to complete much.'

Mercury nodded and reached for his desk drawer. 'If that's the case, then let me give you this.'

_Typical LEP_, Berry thought, _if you don't accept the promotion _then _you're fired. _

Mercury's hand was clenched. 'May I have your badge, Short?'

Berry slowly unbuttoned the badge from her shoulder. _Her _badge. The badge she'd kept in place ever since her promotion to Corporal. The badge that had become such a part of her it was almost painful to part with her.

Mercury took the badge and placed it carefully on the desk. Berry stared at it, as if to record it in her memory.

Commander Mercury opened his hand. 'If you accept it, Berry Short, I promote you to Sergeant. Of course, it will only be official when the promotions are announced, but you can have the badge anyway. I'm sure the Council will approve.'

Berry was more than startled, she was shocked. In a good way, though. _Maybe I won't get fired after all…_

The badge in Mercury's hand looked pretty similar to Berry's old one, except for the fact that there were three vertical lines running across it. Stripes. _Sergeant's _stripes.

Berry looked up from the badge. 'Are you serious, sir? Do you think I'm good enough to be a Sergeant?'

'Of course I do,' Mercury replied, and reached for a carrot. 'And better. You have it in you to be a Commander one day.'

Commander_ Short? Hmm. Doesn't sound that bad, actually. Holly'll probably get the promotion first, but it'll be cool if I do. Commander Holly Short of Recon and Commander Berry Short of Patrol. Well, if the mafia can be a family business, why can't the police force?_

Berry smiled, grinning so widely she almost glowed. 'I accept, sir,' she said. 'I so accept.'

Mercury smiled in return. 'Excellent. You will of course have a higher salary, and your uniform will be sent to you once the promotion is announced. Your call number will remain the same but we'll probably have to get you a new helmet, Foaly will probably fix you up with one…'

Mercury's words drained to a dull buzzing in Berry's ears. She was too busy staring at the badge, watching the way it caught the light. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

Slowly, carefully, she clipped it onto her shoulder.

Sergeant Berry Short. Watch out, Haven.

**The End**

* * *

Thank you to all readers and reviewers for taking the time to read my little venture into 'unknown lands', as it were. Special thanks to **RaevanDawn** and **dormouse **for being there from the start and sticking by. Your support means a lot to me.

Despite what it says above this is not 'The End'. There will be at least one more Berry Short story, and possibly a second. I don't know, I've got the vague idea but not much of a plot.

Thank you anyway for reading!


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